by Donna Poole
The Long Goodbye
by Donna Poole
I noticed the other day how white his hair looks in the sunshine, almost as white as mine. I caught my breath. Oh John, dear John, how did we arrive so quickly to the years of the long goodbye?
So much of what we do now is bittersweet because we wonder if this time may be the last time.
I cried when we left our campsite in Nashville, Indiana eighteen months ago. It was a chilly fall day, and my head, bald from chemotherapy, was cold. My heart shivered too. I pulled my beanie down over my ears.
“Don’t cry, honey.” John hugged me. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m afraid this is our last time camping here.”
I couldn’t say more words, but my mind was seeing the miles of trails we’d hiked, the scores of campfires we’d coaxed to light, and the thousands of quiet conversations we’d enjoyed there in Brown County State Park during our many years of camping there.
“This isn’t our last time, honey. We’ll be back.”
As we drove the beautiful curving road through the park one last time, I tried to memorize it all, the steep ravines, the hills aflame with color, the hundreds of acres of uninhabited wilderness—all made by the extravagant hand of God. The falling leaves were saying goodbye too, but they weren’t crying like me. They seemed to be dancing their way down with joyful abandon. It was time to go, so why not celebrate with one last dance praising their Creator? Once again, God spoke to me through His creation.
We haven’t been back. Our old truck informed us in no uncertain terms it was done hauling Bertha, our ancient camper.
I don’t know if we’ll ever camp again in Brown County or in Muskegon State Park or at Goose Lake or in any of the other campgrounds I’ve loved so through the years.
We never know, do we, when the last time is the last time. There have been too many funerals lately. We never guessed the last time we smiled, hugged, laughed, waved, or texted an “I love you” it would be the last time.
I sent our beautiful, brilliant granddaughter, Megan, a text with a photo the other day. “Hillsdale Academy Colts won the trophy tonight! Six years ago today! Look how cute!”
Megan texted back, “There’s no way! Wasn’t that yesterday?”
“It WAS yesterday,” I replied, “so cherish today, dear Megan. Hug your parents and siblings, yes, ALL of them. I’ll hug you when I see you! Love you forever and like you for always!”
“Ah man!! If I have to! 😊 Hopefully I’ll see you AND hug you tomorrow night! Love you forever and like you for always!”
The tomorrow night didn’t happen; plans were postponed, but I’ll hug the stuffins out of her when I see her because I always do. And I never know when the last time will be the last time.
Today is all we have.
Today is a good day to live, to love, to laugh.
Today is a good day to sigh, to grieve, to cry.
And today is a good day to remember we don’t walk these backroads alone. Others need our love and prayers. Now is the time to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
Tears often fall on our paths as we ramble these backroads, but perhaps a violet to cheer the next traveler grows from every teardrop that falls. Life is a gift; even when it crushes us like a grape sweetness may come from our hearts to encourage others and to show them the way Home to heaven. The directions Home aren’t complicated; even a child can follow them. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” –John 3:16
John and I feel we’ve entered the years of the long goodbye, the bittersweet season of our journey together, but the reality is the years of the long goodbye began with the first breath we took as newborns. It’s just that age and loss are good teachers. They are teaching us the shortness of life and the length of eternity.
Life is a gift, and I’m going to take a lesson from the leaves. I too want to celebrate with abandon, praising my creator, dancing in my heart until my last breath.
Oh, and all those girls in the photo are cute, so in case you wonder which one our Megan is, she’s sitting on the floor, the last one on the right as you look at the picture. And she’s probably going to move me to her list of least favorite relatives for sharing this information! But I’ll still love her forever and like her for always!
You say my writing sometimes makes you cry. This one made me cry. I often thing of the New Earth and the New Heavens and the New City.
So the last time is really not the last time. Imagine the laughter and the wonder and the joyful tears then.
PS Kaleb seemed a fine lad. 🙂
Pastor Ken,
I love your writing. You really are “the keeper of the story!”
Thank you for sharing your heart with Kaleb and all the other young people at winter camp.
Yes, one day we’ll laugh with holy joy in heaven, and I think God means for us to laugh all we can here on earth!
Write on, Pastor Ken!
God’s handiwork is all around us. It’s so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Have a blessed day!
Gwenevere,
Someone said that we see the biggest change in nature in our part of the world from April 15 to May 15. It’s a beautiful time of the year. I treasure it especially this year.
God bless!
Beautiful realities of life. We have lived at our present residence for over 30 years. It has a sliding glass door facing the drive way. Whenever any one leaves our home, we rush to the glass door, so we can wave them out of the driveway, and if they are family members or close friends, we also throw kisses. After all – who knows if it will be the last goodbye? As a believer in Christ, our last goodbye is the sweetest, most longed-for moment of our entire life – that moment we walk through heaven’s gates and we see our Savior, all our loved ones who have been waiting for us to arrive (what a “Glory Hallelujah Moment” that will be!), and experience the incomprehensible joys of heaven. Our gracious Heavenly Father gives us so many lovely moments to enjoy in this life, but none of them will begin to compare to that one glorious moment when we see Him face to face. I love the sweet and comely curves of your words, dear Donna. Thank you for reminding us of the significance of every day we have on this planet. It serves as a reminder to be thankful “in every thing, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I Thessalonians 5:18 I love you, dear sister.
Deborah,
Thank you for your kind words! Yes, we wave, blow kisses, and share the “I love you” sign. We can never say it too many times.
God bless you and yours.
Some of our journeys are short. Some are long. Whichever it is, it is traveled with the same expectation! The same glorious ending which our faith allows us to have.
You have a wonderful way of putting feelings to words which most of us feel but cannot express. Bless you for all you’ve done, Donna!
Chris,
You’ve become dear to my heart during our shared journey on Facebook! I think of you and pray for you often. Your faith and courage inspire me.
God bless you and yours!
I stood behind my sitting husband before church last night…. My exact thoughts:”when did your hair get so white” , I thankfully thought to myself! Coming up on 51st anniversary! How did that happen!!?? But, just home from a long day of making cards for a cancer ministry… he has a wonderful supper 85% ready! What a sweetheart!
Judy,
Your husband sounds wonderful, and I love the ministry you have.
Yes, fifty plus years flies by. We don’t realize it when we say, “I do.”
God bless you and yours!
I shall NEVER tire of reading your writings! God had a special plan for you, my friend, and you have brightened the hearts and lives of those who’ve been watching His plan unfold!
He’s blessed you with a skill in writing that positively brings your words ‘To Life’… it’s truly remarkable, because many times your stories are moving, uplifting, thought provoking, and emotional … funny, tender, along with “just what I needed”.
So, in ‘The Long Goodbye’ you’ve helped many see the need to cherish the moments, before you lose your chance.
Tom & I said our Long Goodbye without me knowing that name, but I’ve learned exactly ‘what it means’ these last 16 mos since he met His Lord in Heaven!!
I shall cherish you both all of my days ~ it was divine intervention to have met the Poole Gang
and I’m hoping we have another encounter in these years of the Long Goodbye …
Although, it will be a Glorious Revival when we all get to Heaven! Forever friends~
Sheila,
We loved Tom and still do, love you too. So many have joined Tom in heaven in these months since he has gone. Won’t it be a lovely day when we’re all Home and around the Big Table?!
We bless the day we met you! You both added so much joy to our lives.
Much love!