The Christmas Pen

by Donna Poole

It was the second Sunday of December, just two more until Christmas. Kathleen settled into the plush cushion on the pew and listened to the trained choir sing its classical arrangement of Christmas medleys. She admired the white flocked garlands of cedar and fir that hung from the vaulted ceiling. The company Christ Calvary Cathedral hired to decorate for Christmas had outdone themselves this year. Kathleen felt like she was sitting a in winter wonder land.

She was contented with the big city church she’d called her own for the last five years; the preaching was wonderful. Even her grandpa would have approved.

Grandpa. Her eyes stung with tears, remembering the little country church where she’d grown up. Grandpa had been the preacher there, and it had seemed childhood would last forever. That white frame building on the corner of two dirt roads had been a far cry from this beautiful cathedral in Chicago. And the Christmas decorations there?

Kathleen grinned, comparing the two. Corners Church’s only Christmas adornment each year was a straggly cedar cut from a farmer’s field. Some years the tree was more brown than green. Propped in the corner of the platform, its only ornaments were a tinfoil star and construction paper handprints cut by the children each year and tied with red and green yarn to its branches. Each handprint had a child’s name and the words, “I love Jesus.” Since the practice had continued for more than sixty years, Kathleen’s own handprint was still hanging on the tree this year; she was sure of it.

Do I? Do I still love Jesus?

Of course she did. What else would bring her out of her warm apartment to hail a taxi on this bitter cold, snowy day, when it would have been so much easier to stay home and work on her book in her pajamas?

She didn’t come to church for fellowship; she had no friends here. She knew it was partly her own fault, but it wasn’t easy to get to know people. At almost thirty years old she’d tired of singles groups. And no one stood around talking after services like they had at Grandpa’s church long ago. People had talked so long there sometimes meals had dried out in ovens before families got home to eat them. Here you might exchange a polite nod with a stranger as you left by one of the several doors.

Am I just an introverted unfriendly person? Is it me?

As the music in the cathedral continued Katherine’s thoughts wandered to her job. She didn’t have any friends there either. True, the job was by nature self-isolating. A biomedical engineer, she, along with her co-workers, researched things like ways to make MRI’s even stronger. The rest of the engineers were mostly men; the few women were married with families. No one seemed to want to socialize. And the one romantic relationship she’d had in her life had ended in tears a decade ago.

Why am I thinking like this? It must be Christmas. The best time of the year—allegedly. It’s the best time for single, lonely people to feel depressed.

She shook off the feeling. Christmas was more than a time for families and friends to socialize, it was the time to celebrate Jesus, the Light of the world, who’d come to die for the sins of mankind and make a way home to heaven. She’d focus on that. Still; it hurt, being so alone.

The sermon started. Great. The pastor was preaching on “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” He even played the old song, unusual for this church’s formal form of worship. She could see her grandpa doing something like that though.

Home for Christmas? What about those of us who have no home left to go to?

Tears stung her eyes and Kathleen swallowed past a lump in her throat. She reached into her purse to get a Kleenex and noticed the elderly man sitting next to her in the pew. He was taking notes on the sermon in a little notebook and using an antique fountain pen. It looked just like Grandpa’s, the one she always carried in her purse.

He must have felt her staring at him because he glanced up and smiled. She nodded and looked away, a flush creeping into her cheeks. People didn’t look at each other during the sermon, not in this church. But she’d like to ask him if he knew why Grandpa’s pen wouldn’t write anymore.

When the sermon ended the older man used his gold tipped cane to help him struggle to his feet. Instead of exiting the pew, he turned to Kathleen, smiled, and said, “I’m Ken. Ken Fisher.”

She shook his outstretched hand. “I’m Kat. Kat Jones.”

Why did I say Kat instead of Kathleen? No one’s called me Kat since I left home for college years ago.

He smiled at her, brown eyes twinkling over half glasses.

“Would you know what’s wrong with my grandpa’s pen?” she blurted.

He looked puzzled.

Kathleen laughed. “I’m sorry. I’m not really crazy. I noticed you writing with a fountain pen. My grandpa used one just like it, and I always carry it with me to remind me of him. I’d love to write with it, but it doesn’t work.”

She dug around in her purse, pulled it out and showed it to him.

He looked surprised. “That’s a very old pen. I didn’t know anyone but me still had one like that. I fix pens as a hobby. Would you like me to take this and see what I can do?”

She hesitated. She wasn’t a sentimental person, but that pen and a few of Grandpa’s books were the only material possessions she had that mattered to her.

“Would you bring it back next Sunday?”

He laughed. She liked the sound.

“I can do better than that. I can bring it downstairs to your apartment, or you can come upstairs to mine and get it. We live in the same building. My window faces the street, and I sit in a chair there to read my Bible. I see you hail a cab at the same time every morning.”

Stalker? Creepy old man? Someone to fear?

She studied him. She wasn’t good at guessing age, but he had to be close to ninety and was bent nearly double. His suit coat hung loosely on a small frame that had obviously once been larger. He smiled, waiting for her answer.

“Mr. Ken, would you like to share a cab home?”

He smiled. “Yes, Miss Kat, if you don’t mind the slow pace of a hobbling old man.”

She didn’t mind.

Maybe I’ve found a friend. Grandpa always said, “When it comes to friendship, age doesn’t matter.”

But she didn’t give him the pen. She slipped it back into her purse.

He hadn’t been kidding about the slow pace. Kathleen helped Ken get his overcoat from the rack. She almost offered to button it for him; it took him so long, but she didn’t know him well enough for that. Then he knotted the red and green plaid scarf around his neck, tying it just so. And it seemed to take forever for him to pull on his leather gloves.

By the time they got to the street the usual line of cabs in front of the church was long gone. Ken lost his balance as they waited in the wind for another, and she grabbed his elbow.

“Does anyone usually wait here with you until you get a cab?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know many people here anymore.”

She sighed. “Looks like we both could use a friend.”

“I could use one,” he said. “And when it comes to friendship, age doesn’t matter.”

He’d lowered his head against the wind, so Ken didn’t see the quick look she gave him.

A pen like Grandpa’s and Grandpa’s saying too? It must be a Christmas coincidence.

It was hard getting a hold of the pen with her bulky red mittens on, but she found it and held it out to him.

“I would like you to take a look at this, if you’re sure you don’t mind.”

He took it carefully and slipped it into a deep pocket of his wool overcoat.

“I don’t mind at all. It will give a lonely old man something to do.”

The End

Be sure to come back for The Christmas Pen Part Two

***

These blogs are now available in book form on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

All of Donna Poole’s books are available at amazon.com/author/donnapoole

The Midnight Hour

by Donna Poole

The house was quiet except for John’s soft snoring and the white noise whirring of the fans in our bedroom. My pillows were soft, the covers cozy, and the midnight sky dark. Everything was perfect for sleeping, except for one thing. I was high on steroids and bouncing off the proverbial walls.

Legit steroids—the kind they give you to counteract the cancer treatments. They work well unless you want to sleep. I needed sleep. This was day five of steroids and very little sleep, but we don’t always get what we think we need.

So, I prayed. I read some in the book of Revelation. I played spider solitaire. I came this close to waking John and asking if he wanted to watch a Christmas movie with me. And then I did what I’ve often counseled others not to do when tired, discouraged, and sleep deprived. I started thinking.

It’s a good thing the Lord came along and asked if I’d like to talk to Him while I meandered down a dangerous backroad where tree branches twisted ominously overhead and threatened to tangle in my hair.

“I’m not going to write anymore, and that’s final,” I told the Lord.

“Okay. It’s your gift. I gave it to you; you can do as you wish, but I thought you wanted to tell generations yet to come about me?”

“See, that’s just it. Who do I think I am, trying to give people a glimpse of Your tenderness, Your beauty, Your greatness, Your love? I’m a sinner. You know it; I know it.”

“Let’s take a detour,” Jesus said to me.

He touched my elbow, and the country road with the too dark trees disappeared. We stood on huge boulders and wild ocean waves smashed against them. The ground shook. I was cold, wet, and terrified.

“Please, can we leave this place?” I asked.

“In a minute. I want to show you something.”

Jesus pointed down. “Look.”

He held me so I didn’t fall, and I looked down, down into a whirlpool that sucked the water furiously into itself and seemed to plunge into infinity.

“What’s in there?” I asked.

“Your sins. I died for them, remember? I forgave you and promised to bury your sins in the depths of the deepest sea. I told you I’d forget them. Do you want to dive in there and bring them up?”

I pushed back into the safety of His arms and shook my head.

“Then never again mention to me the sins you’ve already confessed. Do you understand? And I don’t want you to think of them yourself. I paid a terrible price to throw them into that hole.”

I clung to Him in gratitude.

The Lord touched my elbow, and we were back on my walking together on my country road again. But the moonlight was shining softly through the branches now, and they didn’t look ominous at all. They wove an intricate design against the sky, almost like poetry. I could write about them, if…but no. I could write no longer.

I didn’t have to use my words. He knew.

“What’s your other reason for wanting to quit writing?”

“Lord! You need Michelangelos who can paint Your picture with words! I’m a child with a fat crayon. I’m clumsy at this. What if I use the wrong colors? You know I never was any good at staying in the lines! I’m afraid. I could mislead someone. I might paint a picture with words less than true.”

“Do you remember when your granddaughter printed her name for the first time and gave it to you? She printed the “C” backward. Did you throw it away?”

He smiled. He didn’t need the answer. He knew I’d kept that scrap of paper on my refrigerator until the paper turned yellow, and then I’d tucked it into a drawer to keep.

“That’s how I feel about what you write about me. But it’s good you’re afraid. It means we’re finally getting somewhere after all these years. How about if you let me put my hand over yours and guide that fat crayon and see what happens? But didn’t I teach you this lesson long ago? Perhaps you’re just so tired you’ve forgotten it.”

I stopped, right in the middle of the road. Now I remembered my forgotten lesson. I looked up at the stars; for a second I thought I could see the millions of galaxies beyond. Jesus had created all of this with the breath of His mouth; who knew what He could do with me and a few fat crayons?

“Lord! Do you think I could ever graduate to a paintbrush? Could I maybe someday be a Michelangelo with words and write a masterpiece about You?”

He chuckled. “Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. You may never get beyond your box of five colors on this earth, but creative work continues through all eternity. Who knows what might happen there? But for now, steroids or no steroids, I think you should probably try to get some sleep.”

“So, don’t wake John and ask if he wants to watch a Christmas movie? Or maybe go have a cup of coffee and look at our beautiful Christmas tree?”

“No.”

“Could you explain the book of Revelation to me? I have a lot of questions.”

“Some other time.”

“Okay, but before I go to sleep, I’ve always wondered what Your plans are for the billions of galaxies up there in outer space. Could You tell me something about that?”

“Goodnight, Donna. Go to sleep. I’ll leave your box of crayons on your night table. Draw me a picture in the morning.”


***

These blogs are now available in eBook and paperback on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

A Roller Coaster

by Donna Poole

Solomon, the wisest of men, wrote, “To every thing there is a season…A time to be born, and a time to die…A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” –Ecclesiastes 3

Sometimes the laughing and crying, the mourning and dancing all come in the same week, and oh the conflicting emotions! I call them the roller coaster weeks.

Roller coaster are fun if you get on them because you want to. Our brother-in-law, Bruce, was a roller coaster aficionado! He knew his coasters; he loved his coasters, and if you wanted to ride them with him, you better be prepared to run, not jog, from one to the next. Bruce was at the half- century mark when he and Eve, my sister, treated extended family to a day at Six Flags Great America in Chicago. I love amusement parks and especially roller coasters, so I was excited about going, but I was also forty years old and expecting our last child.

“You better ask the doctor what you can ride,” my sister Eve advised.

“Oh, he’ll let me ride everything,” I assured her. “I’ve been jump roping 1,200 times every day, and he said that was fine because I’ve been doing it for years.”

I wasn’t too happy with my doctor’s reply, “Don’t go on anything that goes around or up and down. Except the merry-go-round. You may go on that.”

So, when we got to Six Flags, I hung out with my sister Ginny, and we enjoyed talking and watching her youngest have fun on the rides for the littlest ones. The rest of the family disappeared, and those wanting to ride the roller coasters took off with Uncle Bruce. He might have been fifty years old, but the teenage boys soon found out it wasn’t easy to keep up with him when he had a gleam in his eye and a coaster in sight!

I didn’t ride the roller coasters that day, but I did many other times, and had a wild, fun, exhilarating time, unlike some others on the rides who were crying, begging to get off, or, worst of all, puking.

I never wanted off a roller coaster ride. But sometimes I’ve had enough of life’s roller coaster extremes of laughter and tears, mourning and dancing, and I’d like a plain, old, ho-hum boring merry-go-round.

Last week was a roller coaster. John and I were heading home after buying more paint for a room he and Kimmee, our daughter, were furiously painting, trying to finish before Thanksgiving. They didn’t have time to run out of paint, but they did. We were almost home when Kimmee called. I knew by her voice something was wrong. Through tears she told us that her sweet calico cat, Peggy, was dying.

Peggy, like all but one of Kimmee and Drew’s cats, showed up uninvited but found two of the best people to love and care for her.

Kimmee has been loving stray cats since she was old enough to walk outside and gather them into her lap. And she has been crying over them for just as long. Peggy was older when she found Kimmee; we think she must have been someone’s house pet before they dropped her off to make her own way in life. She was a funny little thing, walked like an old lady, followed Kimmee everywhere, and had the most gorgeous eyes. She almost always kept her tongue out.

When we got home, we could see Kimmee was right, Peggy was dying.

Kimmee and her husband, Drew, brought Peggy into the kitchen, wrapped her in towels to warm her up, and put a little electric heater near her. Peggy seemed to perk up for a few minutes, but then she had a seizure and was gone. God took her wherever He takes animals. You do know, don’t you, who sits beside every dying sparrow? The Bible answers that, and if God cares about the dying sparrow, He’s also there for every sweet Peggy.

Just a cat? Some might say that, but not God. Think, for just a minute, of the incredible creativity God used to make each of His creatures, and they all say something to us about Him. And the way we treat the animals He created says something about us to God. A godly person is kind to their animals (cf. Prov. 12:10).

No one is kinder to animals than Kimmee. The grief Peggy left behind was deep. Kimmee’s heart once again crumbled, because love anything, and you’ll get your heart broken.

But is it worth it to love? Through tears Kimmee returned the very next day to doing what needed to be done, finishing the painting. The day after that she made wonderful desserts for the family who was going to join us for Thanksgiving. But her hurt showed on her face, and my heart broke for her.

After two days in the kitchen, the day we’d been preparing for finally arrived, and family joined us. Because of the two nasty C’s—cancer and Covid, this was the first family Thanksgiving we’d had since 2019.

Love and laughter filled our house. We feasted on the roast beasts—turkey and ham and all the fixings. We welcomed a new family member; a great niece’s husband joined us for the first time and fit right in. We talked about Thanksgivings past, and how Bruce would have scolded us for having too much food.

I heard young cousins talking about one of their Thanksgiving traditions. Apparently, they bring Walkie-Talkies and send out distress calls no one pays attention to. It warmed my heart to see the kids making memories of their own they’ll talk about someday when they’re older and hopefully still celebrating the holiday as a family.

Yes, part of my heart was still mourning, not just because of Peggy. We’d lost someone too that week, a wonderful pastor friend, Clyde Wonders. John would be preaching his funeral on Saturday. Not only did I love Pastor Wonders, I love his family, and my heart hurt for them, knowing they were having their first Thanksgiving without him. And yet, a mourning heart can still dance. My heart was doing both.

I looked around the tables at the people, smiling, talking, eating, laughing. Love was there, and love is everything.

Our oldest granddaughter, Megan, is heading off to school in the spring to become a physician’s assistant. I don’t know if she’ll be here next Thanksgiving. We never know, when we sit at any table, who will be there when next we gather, so we love fiercely, we love with all the strength we have, even though we know that someday our hearts will be broken, because that’s the way it is.

Megan hugged me when she left. “Grandma,” she said, “that was spectacular.”

Yes, Megan, it was. Love is spectacular. It’s also a roller coaster. And we don’t really want to get off before we must. I’m grateful for the ride.

***

These blogs are now available in eBook and paperback on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Email Address

Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer

Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer

The Roads Less Traveled

by Donna Poole

The Road Less Traveled

by Donna Poole

Life is usually crazy busy for us. I imagine the same is true for many of you.

The past few weeks have been especially over the top with ministry and writing obligations, home repairs, and a health crisis. I’ll spare you the nitty gritty. On top of it all we’re supposed to be getting ready to host twenty-two of us here for Thanksgiving dinner, something we’re really looking forward to even as we hope the paint on the room will be dry.

As I watched my husband, John, and daughter, Kimmee, hard at work painting quite late one night, I reminded them of an old favorite joke of mine. A family had invited a large group to eat dinner with them, and the dad asked his little boy to say grace.

The little boy was feeling shy. “I don’t know how.”

His dad encouraged him. “Sure, you do. Just say what you’ve heard Mommy say.”

The little boy shrugged. “Okay, Daddy.” He took a deep breath. “Dear Lord, why in the world did I invite all these people?”

We’re glad we’ve invited all our people and can’t wait to see them, but we aren’t ready for them yet, so we’ve been working pretty much non-stop, especially Kimmee who’s doing most of the peeling, scraping, and painting. That’s why I was a little surprised when we left church on Sunday, and she asked me if I wanted to take the long way home.

We both had work to do at home, writing, painting…so much work. But did I want to take the long way home? It had just snowed, and our backroads were beautiful. Oh, yes, I did want to take the roads less traveled!

We’ve taken those backroads home often after church, Kimmee and I, since my cancer diagnosis. I used to stand at the door with John, shake hands, hug, and talk to each one of our church family as they left. My heart misses that, but my oncologist team won’t allow it yet because of my practically non-existent immune system. I’m supposed to avoid contact, so Kimmee and I slip in late, sit in the entryway because I’m not allowed in the auditorium, and leave during the last prayer. But in my heart, I’m still there, laughing, talking, crying, and praying with people I love. Taking the backroads home with my sweet daughter eases the ache for me between what was and what is.

And you know? The “what is” must be pretty good, because it’s God’s choice for me right now. Without the cancer and the enforced isolation, I would have been too busy to write these blogs or my books that hopefully mean something to somebody.

Without cancer I’d never have taken the roads less traveled home from church and seen at slow pace the changes in every season. We’ve marveled, in spring, over every sign of vibrant new life. Then came summer wearing its riot of wildflowers and next fall styling her coat of many colors. Sunday our backroads wore mink coats and looked lovely and elegant in white. And peaceful. They looked so peaceful. In a few places, on those backroads, ours were the only tire tracks.

We needed peace. We ignored, for a few minutes, the demands calling us to hurry home, enjoyed God’s beauty, and felt thankful.

There is a time, the Scriptures say, for everything under the sun. Whether I kick Morticia out of my lung, relearn my adult manners, and rejoin my church family in the auditorium, or whether I leave this world, as we all will someday, Kimmee and I know we won’t have forever to meander home down the backroads. Perhaps that’s what makes us all the more thankful for today.

Happy Thanksgiving, dear readers, to you and yours, and I hope you make time now and then to get off the interstate and take a backroad with someone you love.

***

These blogs are now available in eBook and paperback on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

photo credit: Kimmee Kiefer

A Monumental Day at the Poole Hall

by Donna Poole

Saturday was the day, a monumental day at the Poole Hall.

It snowed! Huge, lazy flakes drifted down, and they whispered it was time for music.

I’d been wanting to play Christmas music for a while, but tradition must be observed. Poole Hall Rule: We do not play Christmas music until it snows.

However, some of the younger generation who grew up in the Poole Hall have wandered from the old paths. I’ve heard tell of three of our offspring playing Christmas music long before the first snow; yea, verily, upon one occasion, I witnessed the terrible transgression with my own ears.

I admit, I did enjoy hearing that too early Christmas music played in the home of one son who’d departed from his upbringing. I even suggested to John we also break with tradition and listen early, but he didn’t go for it. He did compromise a bit and say if it hadn’t snowed by the Friday after Thanksgiving, we’d start listening then.

I’m glad we didn’t have to wait that long.

When it started snowing Saturday, we put the phone where we could both hear the music and turned it up loud. John was studying for his Sunday sermon, and I was in the kitchen making desserts for the Community Thanksgiving Dinner.

I was definitely feeling thankful. Just a few days earlier I’d barely been able to walk because of the side effects from cancer treatment, but Saturday was a better day, and the music helped.

I hummed along in my usual off-key voice to the eclectic mix, “A Tennessee Christmas,” “Silent Night,” “White Christmas,” and then… I hollered.

“They’re playing my song!”

That’s not what John heard. He thought I’d yelled, “I cut my thumb!”

He came running to the kitchen. After we laughed and he returned to his studies, I hummed along with a tune I love, one Bing Crosby made famous, “Silver Bells.”

“City sidewalks, busy sidewalks,

Dressed in holiday style,

In the air

There’s a feeling

of Christmas.

Children laughing,

People passing,

Meeting smile after smile,

and on every street corner

You’ll hear

Silver bells, silver bells.

It’s Christmas time in the city.

Ring-a-ling, hear them sing,

Soon it will be Christmas day.”

I was two years old when Bing Crosby first recorded that song with Carol Richards on September 8, 1950. I grew up loving that tune, and I grew up loving bells. My favorite bell is the one at our old country church where John has been pastor for a long time. This will be Thanksgiving number forty-nine for us there.

Some people complain that Thanksgiving gets lost in Christmas and we should wait until we finish the one before we begin celebrating the other. We have a Poole Hall family tradition about that too; the Christmas tree and decorations go up the weekend after Thanksgiving.

But if people want to start celebrating Christmas early, why not? Why not ring all the bells and let all the lights shine? I wish bells rang on every street corner all year and people passing each other always met smile after smile.

If Thanksgiving and Christmas collide and twine around each other, let them hug. We can never be too thankful that Jesus Christ, God the Son, came to this dark world to light the way Home for us. And He did it by love. He loved us so much He died for our sins. All the lights and bells in the world aren’t enough to celebrate that!

We heard handbells ring Sunday night. Their sound makes me think of angels. We bundled up to attend a hymn sing at a church about forty-five minutes from home. It was a bitter cold night, but we felt warm and happy inside Bethel Church. Some of you may know my oncology team doesn’t want me to go into auditoriums, but I’m allowed to sit in entryways. This delightful church has an entryway larger than our entire church sanctuary, but the kind pastor and people make it feel country church friendly.

John and I sat in the entryway where we could see and hear everything; we didn’t feel isolated. We joined in singing the old hymns. We loved the special music, the handbells, the piano player who had, I believe, at least six hands, the vibrant youth worship team, and the quartet.

Ah yes, the quartet. “The Four Friends Quartet” used to sing often. The tall tenor is our son, Dan. Life became impossibly busy for the four friends, and they seldom sing together now. I smiled and cried my way through their songs. Who knows when I’ll hear them again?

Who knows when anytime may be the last time? A few days ago, we were talking about Christmas, and I was rattling on about something I hoped we could do. Kimmee, our daughter, just looked at me and smiled.

“What?”

 “Mom, you’re still here!”

I grinned. “I know.”

This is the third Christmas I’m surprised to still be here. Maybe I’ll still be around when I’m one hundred years old. But when it’s my time to go, I hope I see lights and hear bells ringing. Maybe, just before I leave the people I love here, I’ll sing them the Bill Gaither song the quartet sang last night:

“If you want more happy than your heart will hold,

If you want to stand taller if the truth were told,

Take whatever you have and give it away.

If you want less lonely and a lot more fun

And deep satisfaction when the day is done,

Then Throw your heart wide open and give it away.”

 Or maybe I won’t sing it. They don’t need to hear it. We already have so many givers in our family, so many wonderful people I love and admire, even the ones who transgressed tradition and played Christmas music too early. I think I’ll join them next year.

There really isn’t enough time to ring the bells, to string the lights, to play the music. We can’t give this dark world enough smiles or share too much hope.

Next year I might start a new tradition. It will be a monumental day at the Poole Hall when I play Christmas music on September first.

***

These blogs are now available in book form on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

This is NOT how it looked Saturday. We haven’t had enough snow to measure yet this year.

Bye Bye Miss American Pie

by Donna Poole

I’m glad I never had a job where I had to estimate anything; I’d have been fired.

I can’t estimate distance; I can’t pass a car if I even see another one coming because I’m not sure I can do it safely. I don’t estimate time well either. Things take longer than I plan, and I always think I can get more done than is humanly possible, at least for this human. And when it comes to life? Forget it. I overestimate the positive and underestimate the negative.

Being an incurable optimist is a blessing. And a curse. Take last Saturday for an example. Please, someone, take it!

With the recent addition of steroids to my cancer treatments I’m now sometimes strong enough to help with kitchen duty. Last Saturday we were preparing for a family gathering, a celebration of three birthdays. I’ve always loved family times, and I do even more now when I realize, as we all should, the bittersweet shortness of time. Strong on my steroids, I’d made several pans of lasagna and decided to help our daughter, Kimmee, with the desserts.

Kimmee wins blue ribbons by the handfuls for her desserts at the county fair. Not only do they taste amazing, they look beautiful. She cares a lot about them because, as she says: “If you’ve known me for any period of time, you’ve probably picked up on that one of my primary ways of showing my friends and family I love them is by baking and/or cooking for them.”

She was making time consuming desserts for the birthday people: a cinnamon roll apple pie, a pumpkin swirl cheesecake with spiced whipped cream, and a triple chocolate mousse cake. Kimmee appreciated my help washing dishes and getting out ingredients. Then I decided to take the pie crust out of the oven for her.

I still don’t know what happened. One minute the pie was in my hands. The next the glass pan was hitting the open oven door, my leg, and the floor. I didn’t get hurt; the pan didn’t break, but I couldn’t believe how many tiny pieces a pie crust can shatter into. The mess was horrific. And I knew Kimmee had everything timed so she could get it all done.

I just stared at the mess.

“Mom! Don’t cry! Are you okay?”

There wasn’t a word of rebuke, not a groan of how in the world am I going to finish this now.

Obviously, I’d underestimated the chemo-induced neuropathy in my hands and overestimated my steroid strength. I felt terrible for the extra time and work I’d caused our daughter on such a busy day. But that’s life, isn’t it? We mess up. And if we’re blessed, we have people in our lives who understand and forgive us.

I really did feel horrible, but even with tears in my eyes I started grinning. A song or a quote seems to pop into my brain on many occasions. I barely managed to keep from singing the words, “Bye-bye, Miss American Pie!”

That pie was a goner, but the next was even more beautiful and tasty. I did not offer to take it out of the oven.

Our family enjoyed the lasagna and loved the desserts. It was wonderful being together. After everyone left and I snuggled, tired and happy in bed, I was still humming “Bye-bye, Miss American Pie!”

And then I remembered a quote I’d read somewhere about estimating. It said something about the two things hardest for people to grasp are the shortness of time and the length of eternity.

Now that’s something I don’t want to mess up, and I don’t suppose you do either.

Photo and dessert by Kimmee Kiefer
Photo and dessert by Kimmee Kiefer
Photo and dessert by Kimmee Kiefer

Old Truck

by Donna Poole

I followed you home down the winding gravel roads for the last time and watched you through my dusty windshield.

You’d never know to look at you that you were at the end of your days, and this was your last trip home. As you navigated those backroads home with ease, I thought about all those other roads you’d traveled and the sights you’d seen I’ll never see.

You were quite the boss truck back in your day, all muscle and no fluff, a 1999 Ford F-350 diesel. You could haul! When my sister, Eve, and my brother-in-law, Bruce owned you, you pulled their fifth wheel many times from Michigan to Florida, New York, Maine, Texas, and the epitome of trips, up the Alaskan highway. You did it all with ease and modesty.

No thanks needed here, folks, just doing my job.

***

Eve and Bruce loved camping, and they loved serving others. Many of their trips were to work with Wycliffe Missions. Whether for fun or ministry, they could always count on their truck.

And then Eve got sick. In the early years of her cancer, she could still go camping, but then she became too weak. And then God took Eve home to heaven. Without Eve the camper was just an empty shell of bittersweet memories; Bruce sold the fifth wheel and the truck.

We bought the truck. I wished we’d named her, but we always just called her “Old Truck.”

It was love at first sight; my husband, John, had always wanted a truck. Just about everyone has one in the farming community where he’s a pastor. True, John didn’t need one for the reasons the farmers, contractors, and the electrician in our church did, but he wanted one. I don’t suppose I’ll ever forget the joy on his face the first time he drove that five on the floor stick shift.

Old Truck pulled Old Bertha, our 1988 fifth wheel, on our many camping adventures. Our two favorite places were Brown Country State Park in Indiana, and the channel campground in Muskegon, Michigan. Old Truck did many other things for us too, hauled lumber, brought home pipes and other items necessary for home repairs, and made countless trips to the scrap metal place and the dump. This summer she pulled down an old garage the insurance company said had to go.

And then our trusted mechanic told us Old Truck could no longer pull Bertha; the frame and spring mount were too rusted. Our hearts sank. I don’t suppose anyone likes camping more than we do. I think we could still manage tent camping; John doesn’t agree. We took Old Truck for a second opinion, and then a third. And that’s when we found out she wasn’t safe to even drive anymore. The steering has rusted parts, and the right front wheel is about ready to fall off.

And so, we began her last slow trip home down the back roads, John driving Old Truck, and me following in the car. A few younger, stronger, more attractive trucks gunned it and roared by us as we slowly babied the old lady home. But they don’t know her history. They don’t know all she’s done and seen; the joy she’s brought to her owners.

I imagined Old Truck wistfully watching the landscape we slowly passed, corn ready to be harvested, bean fields already empty, the sky a brilliant blue, and a few trees still bright with color.

And then I cried.

I knew I was crying about more than Old Truck. Rust, decay, loss, death; they are such foreign intruders, aren’t they? The enemies! We weren’t created for them. We weren’t made to age and die. God made us to live eternally young in a garden where even the bean plants never rusted.  

And yet there is hope.

For God’s children, because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, there will one day be a new heaven—and a new earth!

Hold on a while longer, dear friends. Joy comes in the morning! –Psalm 30:5

Young Again

by Donna Poole

“I hate being old,” I heard her

 eighty-seven years say.

Why? Why do we mourn the

passing of our youth,

The prune-ing, rasin-ing,

Sagging

Bagging

Freckling

Veining

Of our skin when graying

happens to us all?

Our spirits sigh protest.

Dreams of ocean breeze and

morning dew and worship of a

newborn’s skin all whisper

The same truth.

We were not born to age—

To creak

To stoop

To slow

To stop.

Eden birthed us to eternal youth.

When young eyes hungered for

poison fruit

Sin and Satan stole the

Breathless freshness of our

treasure.

A cloud hid the shamed face of’

the sun,

And earth wept and grew her

first gray hair.

The lost will be found.

Our earth—

And we, her children, will yet be

young again.

Gloriously

Goldenly

Sweetly

Young again

In the newborn kingdom of our

God.

And who knows? Maybe in that new earth there will be a boss truck, all muscle and no fluff, a 1999 Ford F-350 diesel for an old preacher, now young again, to drive. If not that, something far better waits for him, I know.

But for now, I follow John down the dirt road. I can see the back of his head with his gray hair; I can’t see his face. But I know he’s sad because he’s driving Old Truck for the last time.

And I cry.

Meet the New Kid

by Donna Poole

Meet the New Kid

by Donna Poole

Her first three daughters looked enough alike to have been triplets.

“What do you have, some kind of mold and you just keep turning out look-alikes?” her friends teased.

The girls all took after the Scandinavian side of the family. Tall, quiet, straight blond hair; their mother almost always knew what her blue-eyed beauties were thinking. They were well mannered children and so predictable. Her friends were envious.

Not that her girls were perfect; they fussed a bit when teething, and one of the three protested a bit at potty training, but all of them sailed through the terrible twos as though it had no meaning for them. The mother often marveled at her good fortune.

The relatives adored the girls, called them “sweetheart,” “honey,” and “doll baby.”

And then came daughter number four. Had the mother not just gone through twenty-nine hours, fifty-three minutes, and forty-nine seconds of agonizing labor—the first three had been easy births—she would have sworn someone had switched babies and given her someone else’s child.

She blinked hard twice when a nurse showed her the new baby. Red faced, short, chubby, and squalling, the infant had a head full of dark curls.

The nurse had to shout to be heard over the babies screams.

“I guess she didn’t much like being disturbed from her comfy, warm home and doesn’t think much of this big world. What will you name her?”

The baby’s older sisters who had all come into the world without protest and had calmly surveyed the world around them had Scandinavian names: Astrid, Agnes, and Annika. This one was to have been Alma, but she didn’t look at all like an Alma.

The mother wished she could ask the baby’s dad, but this child had chosen to be born two weeks early and he was out of town on a business trip. She fell back on the pillow, exhausted.

“Name? I have no idea.”

Someone put her still screaming little infant in her arms. She laughed.

“Do most newborns cry this loudly?” she asked. “My first three didn’t.”

“Most don’t make quite that much noise.” The doctor laughed. “Maybe you have a drama queen on your hands.”

Waving her tiny fists in the air, the baby looked more furious by the second. The mom kissed her on the forehead. It did nothing to stop the noise.

“With those dark curls you certainly look like your father’s Italian grandma, my little drama queen,” she said. “I’m going to name you Sophia.”

“You look exhausted,” a nurse said sympathetically. “Don’t worry; she’ll fall asleep soon. All newborns do. And then you can get some sleep. Or do you want us to take her to the nursery?”

The mom shook her head. “I always keep my newborns with me. You’re right. I know she’ll sleep soon. All my others did.”

Sophia did not sleep soon. By the time the mother fell into an exhausted sleep she hoped for sweet dreams. She didn’t get them.

She dreamed of a little girl almost always stubborn and unpredictable. By the time she was eighteen months old she was already the definition of terrible two. Her manners left something to be desired because she was too outspoken. None of the relatives called her “sweetheart” or “honey,” or “doll baby.” They called her “that little spitfire.”

In her dream her friends weren’t envious anymore; they were shocked. They didn’t know quite what to make of the new baby, so different from her sisters. They said to each other, “Have you met the new kid?”

The mother woke to more screams. She looked at Sophia, once again flailing her arms, tiny red fists batting the air, face red with effort. She had a hunch her dream was going to become reality, but she didn’t care. She desperately loved this new baby, so different from her sisters, born October 20, 2022, ready to add her own color to the beautifully colored autumn world waiting for her.

***

My new book baby is very different from my first three books; it had a mind of its own and took some unexpected twists and turns when I was writing it.  Meet the new kid: The Lights of Home published October 20, 2022. It’s available on Amazon. I hope you’ll like it. If you do, please leave me a review about the little spitfire.

The Memories of a Road

by Donna Poole

Long ago our road was just a path the Potawatomi tribe used as they foraged the fields and camped out on Squawfield Road. Pioneers built cabins in our area, and the tribe was friendly to them and helped them through the winters. It was an unspoken understanding that when a native showed up at a cabin with fresh meat he expected to be invited to stay for dinner, especially if he was Chief Baw Beese. And then the government unfairly forced the Potawatomi to leave, and the last moccasin left its print in the dirt on our old country road.

The road was still little more than a cow path when Henry Ford awed Detroit and North America by building his Model T. It didn’t take long before some of his cars showed up on our road and on neighboring backroads. As years went by, soon almost everyone had a gasoline powered vehicle of some sort.

There was one hold out. I remember the story well, but forget his name, so let’s call him Wilbur. Wilbur stuck to his horse and took a lot of good-natured teasing for doing so. As he plodded by, taking forever to get to church or a store, neighbors sometimes hollered, “Get a car, Wilbur!”

Then came the year of the spring rains. Many backroads, ours included, turned to mud. All those lovely Model Ts slid every which way and refused to budge. Along came Wilbur, and graciously pulled out neighbor after neighbor. He didn’t charge a penny, but he got his payment. As he left each grateful farmer, he said, “Get a horse!”

Time passed. The generation of people who told me the stories about the Potawatomi and Wilbur traveled one last time down this old country road. With a swirl of dust, their taillights disappeared in the distance. Now, they are a sweet memory that lingers in the glow of the sun setting over the fields.

I love this dirt road; we’ve lived here forty-eight years. Our oldest daughter was only two when we taught her not to play in the road, lest she get run over by a truck or a tractor. Our other three had their introduction to our road when they bounced down it on their way home from the hospital as newborns.

The road is a metaphor in my mind for our children’s independence. They were thrilled when they could ride their bikes to the corner for the first time without mom and dad. And when they got permission to ride north to the bridge over the St. Joe River, just a slow-moving creek there, that was big stuff.

I remember the kids patiently sitting at the corner, balancing on their bike seats, and looking west down Squawfield Road. They were waiting for their first glimpse of Grandma and Grandpa’s car arriving all the way from New York. As soon as they saw it, they’d pedal home furiously, shouting, “They’re coming! They’re coming!”

Down that road our children drove to school, to their first jobs, to college, to their own homes. And down that road they come back to visit. When they leave, we watch them go until their taillights disappear. They turn on Squawfield, and they’re gone until the next time. It’s the road to independence, and it’s the road back home.

Fourteen grandchildren travel down that road to visit us, thirteen with their parents, one on her own. That one will be leaving in the spring to get her physician’s assistant training. I’m proud of her; I’ll cry when I see her taillights turn onto Squawfield heading for a different state, but I know something. I know she’ll never forget the road back home to Grandpa and Grandma’s is always open to her, wherever we may live. And I hope all our family remembers that.  

Two family members live with us, our married daughter, and her husband, and we’re grateful for them. Without them, we don’t know how we would have gotten through the last two plus years of cancer—tough enough—and the treatments—even worse. I can’t count the number of times our daughter has driven me down our old country road.

I love country roads. Thank You, Lord, for all my years on this one. It’s true that “the lines have fallen unto me in pleasant places.” I could have been happy in the city; I was contented when we lived there, but I’m glad for these years of corn and bean fields, for wide blue skies, and country smiles.

Old road, it’s true you’re sometimes impassable in the winter. You may be a mud bog in the spring and a dust bath in the summer, but oh, you make up for it now. You’re breathtaking in the fall.

Someday, I too will leave you for the last time; my taillights will disappear in a swirl of dust. I hope it’s in the fall.

When I leave for the final time and know there’s no coming back, I’ll take one last look to see you in all your autumn glory. Though the place I’m heading will be far more glorious, I’ll glance in my rearview mirror just for a second and say, “You’ve been good to me. Here’s to you, old country road.”

Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer
Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer
Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer

Let Me Grow Lovely with Love

by Donna Poole

It’s inevitable.

It happens to all of us if we live long enough—we grow old.

This year nature is doing a lovely job of growing old. From the earliest slant of the eastern sun until the last rays in the west highlight their glory, the leaves glow breathtakingly beautiful in every light. I catch my breath with wonder; I can’t see them often enough. Too soon, they will be gone.

The past two Sundays, instead of going straight home from church, Kimmee, our daughter drove me around the block on our own color tour. Out here on the backroads “around the block” is a four-mile glorious drive on mostly dirt roads. We encountered very little traffic, maybe a car or truck or two. Kimmee stopped and took photos often, so it took a while to get home. But it didn’t take long enough.

The combination of age and a stubborn cancer has opened my eyes and heart to so many things. A half hour bouncing down dirt roads viewing autumn leaves with our daughter is as amazing to me as a trip to Hawaii might be to some people.

So many “ordinary” things are beautiful now. On Saturday we celebrated our oldest daughter’s fiftieth birthday and our brother-in-law’s seventieth. It was a combination effort; I made the basic food; my sister brought a delicious macaroni salad, brownies, and chips, and Kimmee did what Kimmee does—the fancy desserts, the charcuterie boards, the beautiful table decorations, a hot chocolate/coffee/tea/hot cider bar complete with new mugs to take home, and so many other loving touches.

Love ruled that evening. We’re all getting a little older. We all know life is passing faster than we expected it would.

When it was time for the regretful goodbyes, I got up from the couch easier than I usually do; I’m on steroids to counteract side effects of treatment. I can’t sleep, but oh, it’s wonderful to feel half-way normal for a few days. But even medicated I don’t stand as quickly as I once did. Our tiny granddaughter, Ruby, hurried over to me and slipped her little hand in mind.

“I don’t want you to fall,” Ruby said to me.

She smiled. Ruby’s smile would make the loveliest maple in all its autumn glory jealous.

“I won’t, honey,” I promised.

Oh, but I will. We all will, won’t we?

I don’t expect to die from cancer. It will probably be something far more ignominious and laughable.

Once, a few years ago, I tripped outside and fell hard, landing with my head in the hosta plants. My alarmed family rushed to see if I’d hurt myself. I was laughing too hard to get up. That’s the kind of thing that will take me out.

“Seventy-four-year-old woman dies laughing after falling head-first into the hostas.”

I even have my obituary written. Four simple words. “That’s All She Wrote.”

I hope I haven’t offended anyone, but gallows humor and laughter seem to run in our family.

There was a lot of sweet laughter at our family gathering. John and I went outside to wave goodbye to the last who were leaving and watched the taillights disappear down the road.

When will we all get together again? Will it ever happen?

Life wasn’t as sad when we were younger, but neither was it as sweet. We didn’t delight as much in family gatherings because it never seemed then that “the last time might be the last time.” Now, so many family members are in heaven. Now, we know better. We cherish the moments.

There is something beautiful about aging. I listened for a minute to the crickets and the rustle of the leaves before I went back inside.

There’s a secret to growing old joyfully, I think. For me, it began when I was a child and put my hand in God’s and trusted Him to take me safely Home, no matter what storms might come up on the way. Jesus lived the perfect life I couldn’t live and died to remove my sins from me as far as the east is from the west. Because Jesus is my Savior, God says to me, “You can trust me. The journey might not be easy, but I’ll get you there.”

I’m discovering another secret to joy. It’s how to grow young.

It seems I’ve knitted life’s scarf wrong and now I’m unraveling it. I’ve learned too many things that have made my spirit old. Now I’m unlearning them all and growing younger. I want everything but love stripped away from my heart—and, oh, there’s a long way to go. Anything unloving in my thoughts blocks the sun; I can’t see the simple beauty of love, family, friendship. I can’t catch my breath at the glory of the sun turning the reds and yellows of leaves transparent if I’m burdened with bitterness, hurt, worry, or—you get it. You don’t need the whole long list.

In the end all I want is to be a Ruby. A person who comes along, takes your hand, and says, “I don’t want you to fall.”

And then we’ll go for a ride together, worship the Artist of the leaves, and think how beautiful it can be to grow old.

“Let me grow lovely, growing old—

So many fine things do.

Lace and ivory and gold

And silks need not be new.

There is healing in old trees,

Old streets a glamor hold.

Why may not I, as well as these,

Grow lovely, growing old?” –Unknown

Photo credit: Kimmee Kiefer
Photo credit: Kimmee Kiefer
Photo credit: Kimmee Kiefer
Photo credit: Kimmee Kiefer