Just a Jar of Noxzema

by Donna Poole

When I open a new jar of Noxzema to wash my face two magical things happen.

First, I’m a little girl again, and I’m with Mom.

Mom smells clean, like soap and Noxzema. She doesn’t wear perfume. Her aprons smell like sunshine and fresh air because she hangs them outside to dry, even in the winter. Mom’s not much of a hugger, so when I stand on tiptoe to reach the clothes pins and take down the laundry, I hug her aprons and pretend she’s inside.

Mom’s a wonderful cook! I love coming home from school and smelling her homemade spaghetti sauce that’s been simmering for hours on the back of the stove, or her fresh yeast donuts spread out on the kitchen table, or butter browning for potato pies. The kitchen smells wonderful, unless Mom has been cooking meat. Dad won’t eat a hamburger or a pork chop that isn’t crispy black!

The house always smells like Pine sol and Pledge. And when she unrolls the damp clothes waiting to be pressed, I like the scent of the steam coming up from the freshly ironed clothes, but Mom looks so hot.

***

Mom is probably the reason I wash my face with Noxzema every morning; she did the same thing, and I really do think of her many mornings. I’d love to go back to that kitchen one more time. It, like everything else, was impressively clean. A college friend joked that Mom hung everything from the ceiling everyday and hosed down the entire place until it was clean enough to eat off the floors.

Mom always wanted everything neat and clean, inside, and out, including her children. She hated sin in all its forms and didn’t want any part of it to touch us. I didn’t agree with Mom on many things, including her definition of what was and wasn’t sin, but looking back, I do see why my rebellious behavior upset her so much.

Someone said, “Sin ruins everything it touches.”

Mom didn’t want sin to ruin me. The Bible says, “Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft,” and I stepped across every line Mom drew in the sand as soon as I could walk. A stranger, observing Mom and me in my growing up years would have doubted love was part of our equation, and yet it was there. I knew it, even in our most furious arguments, and I hope she knew it too.

I last talked to Mom forty-nine years ago this February. She didn’t call often; long distance was expensive. Besides, Mom didn’t always feel comfortable conversing. A stroke five years previously had left her right arm paralyzed, her right leg weak, and her words sometimes elusive. At first, after the stroke, she couldn’t speak at all. Her speech returned, but she felt embarrassed when the right word wouldn’t come.

“How’s John?” Mom asked me on that last call in February of 1974. She knew he’d graduated from Bible college the previous May and was hoping to become a pastor.

“Honestly, Mom, he’s a little discouraged. He hasn’t heard from any churches, and he’s wondering if maybe God isn’t calling him to be a pastor after all.”

“You tell him for me he’s going to be a pastor. I’ve known it ever since he was a little boy.”

I don’t remember what else we talked about. I do remember tears came to my eyes when Mom said those loving, encouraging words.

The stroke changed Mom in many ways. The tough disciplinarian Mom who hadn’t dispensed many hugs was forever gone. A tender, loving Mom took her place.

Mom was right. John became a pastor in July of 1974, but Mom didn’t live to see it happen. A second stroke took her home to heaven in March, a few weeks after she’d called me.

I told you when I open a new jar of Noxzema two magical things happen.

The second thing is a magic carpet takes me from the past to the future.

When I open the jar, I wonder if I’ll live long enough to use it all. Living with refractory cancer isn’t easy, but it has its blessings. It gives gifts, and a realistic grip on the shortness of time is one of them.

 We don’t know how much time we have left to love the people in our lives. Neither do we know what tiny thing might mean the world to them after we’re gone.

I treasure a scrap of paper in Mom’s handwriting.

After Mom’s first stroke I often asked her to try to write to me, but I never got a letter. After Mom died, my sister found a small piece of paper. Mom had tried to start a letter to me. It began with one “D” crossed out. Then she wrote, “Dear Dona.”

Did Mom notice she’d misspelled my name? Or did she just get too tired to continue? Either way, she’d tried. I treasure that scrap of paper, the last communication I have from Mom until she hugs me in heaven.

So now, I look back from the future where my magic carpet has taken me. I try to guess what my kids, in-law kids, and grandkids might remember about me. Yes, I smell like Noxzema. And unlike Mom, I wear perfume. I’ve worn the same kind for many years, a vanilla scent.

I was wearing that vanilla perfume when our son Danny, now forty-five, was a little boy. He hugged me when he came home from school.

“Yum!” he said. “You smell good, like you’ve been cooking!”

That made me laugh. Just what I’d hoped for, that my perfume would make me smell like the kitchen. I’m sure he’s long forgotten that remark, but I remember. I remember too how he and his siblings loved it when I made homemade bread, and they enjoyed eating it warm from the oven when they got home from school. What things will they remember?

I hope my family and friends will remember my love and my hugs. And I hope they’ll remember that I want the same thing for them mom wanted for me, I want them to be clean, to run from sin, because it really does ruin everything it touches.

And then I tumble off the magic carpet and finish washing my face.

“It’s just a jar of Noxzema, Donna,” the towel says as I bury my face in it. “So quit with the remembering and the forecasting already. And get to work. You have a blog to write.”

When it Matters-An Easter Story

by Donna Poole

Reverend Bill Williamson had been retired for ten years, but today he’d stand behind his old pulpit one last time.

His mind wandered as he waited for the funeral service to begin.

How many funerals did I preach during my fifty years as pastor? My text was always the same, the one that rings out hope, John 11:25-26: “Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?”

He’d recited those verses when young parents had clung to him, weeping, as a tiny casket had been lowered into the ground. He’d shared it with a teenager dying of cancer.

They were verses that helped when it mattered most.

They’d been his secretary’s favorite verses. When early onset Alzheimer’s had hit her fast and furious, she’d wandered the halls of the nursing home repeating them. Word by word they’d slipped from her mind until she could only say, “I am resurrection life.”

Her family had called Bill to come when she’d been slipping away. She’d been moaning and saying, “I…I…I…”

Her daughter had been sobbing. “Pastor Williamson, I don’t know what she wants.”

“Perhaps I do.”

He’d put his hand on the dying woman’s shoulder, leaned close to her ear, and repeated, “‘I am the resurrection and the life; he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.’”

Her eyes hadn’t opened, but she’d smiled. She’d stopped moaning, and a few minutes later she’d slipped softly through the thin door that separates earth from heaven.

He’d preach those verses at today’s funeral too.

Bill sat soberly in the chair on the platform as the organ played and tried not to rub his arthritic knee. Betty had often reminded him not to do that when he’d still been pastor here.

“It’s distracting, honey,” she’d said. “And besides, you don’t want people thinking we’re getting old, do you?”

“We are getting old, Betty.”

She’d laughed, a sound he’d loved. “Maybe you are, but I’m not.”

She had gotten old though, and quickly too. Strokes can do that to a person. She’d gone from jogging a 5k charity run at the age of seventy-five to needing help walking a single step.

“We’ve never had a patient work as hard as Betty,” a physical therapist at the rehabilitation center had told Bill.

“That’s Betty! If she’s anything, she’s determined!” he’d replied.

But when the months of therapy had ended and Betty still had no use of her right arm and limited use of her right leg, Bill had retired to stay home with her. She could no longer stay alone.

Then Betty had done something Bill had never seen her do.

“I quit,” she’d said. “I give up. Help me into bed.”

And there she’d stayed despite Bill’s pleading and prayers.

When the family had come to visit, Betty had turned her face to the wall and had refused to see them.

“Tell them I’m too tired. And close that door on your way out.”

Friends from church had come to visit, and they’d gotten the same response.

When Bill had suggested Betty talk to a therapist about her depression, he’d seen a side of his wife he’d hadn’t known existed. And Betty had spoken words he’d never heard her use.

Spring had come unusually early to Michigan that year. By March it had been warm enough to open the bedroom window for few hours some afternoons. Bill had pulled back the room darkening drapes and let fresh air and sunlight into the room.

Betty had shielded her eyes. “Close that window! Close the… whatever you call those things. The bedspreads. Too bright.”

Bill had turned so she couldn’t see his tears. It was time for tough love. He’d left the window open.

He’d left the room and prayed.

It became their afternoon ritual. Sometimes she’d called the drapes the shower curtain, the sheets, or the bathrobe. She’d begged for darkness. Sometimes Bill’s prayers had been tears; that had been all he could manage. He’d run out of words.

He’d begged her to look out of the window. “It’s beautiful, honey. Spring was always your favorite time, remember?”

Once again, his normally sweet wife of fifty-five years had cussed him out finishing with, “I don’t care about spring now. I don’t care about anything, Bob!”

That’s the first time she’s forgotten my name. Is she getting worse? Staying secluded like this isn’t going to help her get better. Lord, help; what am I going to do?

Bill kept opening the window and letting light into the darkness. A few times, by early April, he’d noticed Betty pushing herself up on one arm and looking out of the window. As soon as she’d seen he’d noticed, she’d turned her face to the wall and closed her eyes.

One mid-April day, Bill had opened the window, and Betty hadn’t shouted at him to close it. He’d been surprised but hadn’t commented. As he’d been leaving the room she’d asked, “Is that the blue wings I hear and the spring peepers?”

“Yep. The red wing blackbirds have been back for quite a while and the frogs started singing a few weeks ago.”

She’d nodded. He hadn’t said anything else; he’d been afraid to push it. He’d been closing the door when she’d asked, “Will you help me get outside?”

“I’ll get the wheelchair.”

“No! If I have to use a wheelchair, I won’t get up. You! You help me. What’s your name? I forget.”

‘I’m Bill, your husband. Of course, I’ll help you.”

She’d giggled and he’d almost collapsed from shock. “You ninny! I know you’re my husband. I just forget words sometimes.”

They’d only gone as far as the bench on the front porch. She’d sat there silently for half an hour, sometimes lifting her face to the sun.

Then she’d reached for his hand. “I’m sorry.”

He hadn’t tried to hide his tears. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I do. I’ve been so angry at God and at you. And mostly at myself. I wanted the old me back. I’ll try to get used to the new me, but it’s going to take a while. I think I’d like to talk to that therapist you mentioned.”

Bill had put his arm around her and had pulled her close. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I love you, Theodore.”

“And I’ll love you forever. Honey, tomorrow’s Easter. Would you like to go to church?”

“I’m not up to that yet.”

“That’s perfectly fine. But we could listen to the service over the radio from the church parking lot. Remember, that’s as far as it broadcasts.”

“Okay. If you’ll help me walk to the car.”

“I’ll help you walk anywhere.”

And he had. For the next ten years they’d walked together, a bit farther each day. She’d grown stronger and more alert, though she’d never regained use of her right arm. Her right leg had remained a bit weak, and when doctors had suggested she use a cane, she’d laughed and pointed at Bill.

“I’ve got one.”

They’d been inseparable, and she’d always held his right arm with her left.

God had given them ten more good years together, years they’d shared with family and friends, years of love and laughter.

One April day Bill had taken Betty to the doctor for her annual physical.

“I don’t have another patient your age with such good blood pressure, oxygen level, and muscle tone. I doubt you’ll ever have another stroke,” the doctor had said.

They’d celebrated with a long walk in the park, sat on the bench, and thanked God for their many blessings.

He’d leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Have I ever told you how much I’ve loved having you hold my arm all these years? I love helping you walk. I’d walk you to the ends of the earth if I could.”

Betty had laughed, a sound he’d loved. “I’d love to walk to the ends of the earth with you and keep walking right on up to heaven. But now you’d better help me get home. It’s Thursday, and with all the family coming for Easter dinner, we don’t have much time to get everything ready.”

He’d been helping her up from the park bench when she’d slipped limply from his arms. He’d known it was a second stroke before they’d told him.

The family had gathered for Easter, but Betty hadn’t been there. She’d been celebrating her first Easter in heaven. They’d talked about the funeral, and Bill had said he’d wanted to preach it.

“Dad, I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” his son had said. “Are you sure you’re up to it?”

“I want to do it for your mom.”

And so here he was, rubbing his knee, waiting for the service to begin. He was going to try to follow Betty’s instructions; they’d talked about their funerals.

“If you preach mine, keep it short,’ she’d said. “Remember what Mark Twain said. He doubted any sinner ever got saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.”

He’d laughed. “Yes, dear. Any other instructions?”

“Yes. Keep it about Jesus, not me.”

Bill had four pages of notes for this funeral tucked in his worn Bible. He thought he could finish it in twenty minutes, maybe a half hour. Suddenly, he realized it was silent in the church and everyone was looking at him. How long ago had the music stopped?

He stood and walked behind the pulpit. For the first time Betty wasn’t in one of the pews. He knew she wasn’t in the flower covered casket at his feet either; she was with the Lord, and she was forever young and strong again, but he was still here. He wasn’t young, and he wasn’t strong.

Bill hadn’t cried since Betty had died, but the tears came now. Tears come when they want; they have a mind of their own. He opened his Bible. He opened his four pages of notes. He tried to speak.

Instead of his carefully crafted sermon he could manage only two verses, spoken between sobs: “John 11:25-26: Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?”

It took the funeral director a minute to realize Bill had finished preaching. He ushered out everyone but family. Bill apologized to his children.

“I’m sorry; I should have listened to you and had someone else preach. Anyone could have done a better job.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” his son asked. “Mom would have loved that sermon. It was perfect. Those are the verses that help when it matters most.”

Bill took a deep breath. “They do ring out hope, don’t they?”

His son hugged him.

And then Bill lined up with the pall bearers to carry Betty out to the graveyard behind the church.

“Dad, what are you doing? There are enough of us to carry the coffin. You don’t have to do that.”

“Please, let me. I’ve been helping your mom walk everywhere for the last ten years. I told her I wanted to walk her to the ends of the earth.”

As Bill walked through the grass carrying Betty’s casket, he thought of the Martin Luther quote he’d meant to use in his message but hadn’t been able to because of his tears: “Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf of springtime.”

Spring was late that year. Bill heard the frogs sing. He caught a flash of a red wing blackbird and remembered when Betty had called it a blue wing. And he smiled.

Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer

Fifteen Boxes

by Donna Poole

A mathematician would tell you there are fifteen boxes and begin counting the number of books in each box.

A minimalist would wrinkle a nose and comment about old people hoarding old dust collectors.

A book lover, especially if the book lover were a Bible teacher or preacher, would be in heaven.

But only John and Donna could tell you the true value of those books. They are part of what’s left of their once far more extensive library. They’d sold their beautifully bound sets during a lean time.

Now they’re downsizing their still considerable library. As they dust and sneeze their way through piles of books, Donna wistfully thinks of those beautiful volumes they’d sold and the way the sets had looked on the shelves, the white Alexander Maclaren with gold titles, the red bound books by Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the black volumes by F.B. Meyer, and many more.

She’d exchanged so much of her life to pay for those books when they’d been new, and she’d loved doing it. She’d done it by writing Sunday school curriculum. The job began with hours of research and notes taken in long hand that sometimes trailed off into illegible scribbles when she’d fallen asleep. As much as she’d loved research, it’d been hard to stay awake in the after-midnight hours. Then had come the many rough drafts, rolling paper into the old typewriter, and pounding out word after word.

The final copy had been tedious, because the publisher had required an exact word count for each section of the assignment. It had been good training for a young writer who’d tended to ramble off into flowery descriptions. She’d sometimes winced when she’d had to cut a beautiful passage because it wouldn’t fit into the allotted space.

The final copy had to be typed on the publisher’s paper, the heading repeated on each page, the twenty-five lines one column wide to leave room on the right-hand side of the paper for copious comments and corrections made by the editors who worked for the publisher.

Donna had tried to make the final copy as neat as possible; if the publisher didn’t hire her for more assignments there would be no more book buying. Nor would there be any more special gifts for the children in the family who always looked forward to the “big money” coming in the mail box. Once, instead of books, the “big money” had bought new bikes.

But neat had been hard. The old typewriter had letters that had fallen off, and John had repaired them as best he could, but they hadn’t quite lined up. The many mistakes Donna had made, despite careful typing, had to be corrected with “white out.” Nasty stuff, that white out. Thin it too much, and it wouldn’t cover the letter enough so she could type over it. Thin it too little and it left a raised glob on the page.

John had boxed a finished assignment, and they’d mailed it with a prayer that God would use it and give Donna another one. Then had come the fun of pouring over the Christian Book Distributor’s catalog. They’d often chosen a new set of books long before the money arrived from the publisher. Other times they’d waited for the check, cashed it, and had taken a trip to the Mecca for lovers of Christian books: Grand Rapids, Michigan. They’d always given the kids money to buy a book too.

Donna remembered all this and much more as she helped dust the library and pack it up to give away. She remembered a young pastor, his enthusiasm, the mistakes he’d made, some humorous in retrospect, like his Mother’s Day gaffe.

John had meant to say at the end of his ill fated sermon, “If any of you are not Christians, I sincerely hope you’ll become one before you leave this place.”

Instead, he’d said, “If any of you aren’t mothers, I sincerely hope you’ll become one before you leave this place.”

He hadn’t known he’d misspoken. But he’d seen Donna and her friend Maribel shaking a pew with suppressed laugher.

Donna thought about all the hours, days, weeks, months, and years John had spent, hunched over his desk, studying from those books, so focused on his reading he hadn’t even heard anyone else in the room speaking.

She thought about young John, middle-aged John, and now senior citizen John standing behind the pulpit, sharing with all his heart what he’d learned from his Bible and those study books. She thought about the many years of ministry—nearly a half-century—the laughter and joy, the tears and heartbreak, but all of them good. Good years. Gone years.

How many more will there be?

And then she cried.

John looked up from his dusting. “What’s wrong, babe?”

She couldn’t get out many words. “It’s the memories.”

He nodded.

Their daughter Kimmee saw the tears. She hugged her parents.

“Hey! You guys know you don’t have to get rid of your books if you don’t want to, right?”

They knew, but it was time.

John kept the books he used most; he wasn’t ready to retire from the ministry yet. Besides, he did most of his studying online now, and Donna no longer used the books; she didn’t write Sunday school curriculum anymore. Why not give them to someone who would use them instead of letting them sit on shelves gathering dust?

It was parting with all that the books represented that brought the tears, the laughter of kids running back from the mailbox shouting, “The big money came!” It was the many years of ministry blowing away as quickly as white fluff from an old dandelion.

Forty-nine. That’s how many Palm Sunday sermons John has preached at the old country church on the corner of two dirt roads.

A mathematician would comment another year would make a half-century.

A minimalist might wrinkle a nose and say that’s too long to stay in one place; think of all the junk you’d be tempted to collect.

Palm Sunday was the day John announced his fifteen boxes of books were on tables in the fellowship hall, free for the taking.

“No, I’m not resigning or retiring yet,” John explained. “I kept the books I use most, and I do a lot of my research online now, sometimes three-hundred pages of it for one chapter.”

Dan, the pastor’s son, was leading the singing. He joked, “Now that the pastor is giving away his books, the board has decided to hand out cards to the congregation so you can rate his sermons and say what you think of them.”

Donna listened to her husband preach Palm Sunday sermon number forty-nine. He’d titled it, “The King is Coming.”

It was a good sermon. Donna decided if she had a card, she’d rate the sermon a solid ten. She’d tell him so.

She didn’t feel sad about the fifteen boxes of books anymore. They were a sweet memory, and a memory never becomes a dust collector.

“Please, Lord,” she whispered, “love through us all our days so when it’s time for us to pack up and move on we’ll be a sweet memory too. Because someday, the King is coming.”

The End

***

These blogs are now available in book form on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Three: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

All of my books are available at amazon.com/author/donnapoole

Follow me on Facebook at Donna Poole, author

The Gardener

by Donna Poole

It was a different time.

The women wore pastel-colored suits to church in the spring; yellow, pink, turquoise, often paired with white lacy blouses. Purses and heels often matched. They all went to the beauty parlor every week, and most had short, permed hair. With powdered cheeks and a touch of lipstick, they looked like a bouquet of spring flowers. Each wore her own brand of perfume, many in flowery scents. Ruth’s favorite perfume was “Charlie,” and she splashed it on with abandon.

Then there was Old Bertha. If the others were flowers, Old Bertha could have been the gardener. Her clothes were worn and dirty, and she wore rubber boots to church with no socks. Ruth and her husband Clayton collected Bertha from her dilapidated house each Sunday and brought her to church with them.

Bertha adored Ruth and often sat next to her in church. One Sunday, during the sermon, Bertha decided to write Ruth a note. She’d never learned cursive, so in her arthritic, crippled printing, she wrote, “Hello Ruth.” But she left off the “o.”

Ruth managed not to laugh, but when she showed the note to her grown children and grandchildren later, they howled.

“Mom! How did you keep from laughing?”

“I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

Unlike the other ladies, Bertha wore no perfume to church. She had a distinctive odor all her own; it could best be described as au scent la skunk cabbage.

One Sunday, after church, a bouquet of pastel-colored suits surrounded Ruth. Fortunately, Bertha was not with her.

“Ruth,” the spokeswoman said, “you must do something about Bertha. She stinks.

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“You’ll have to figure something out. You bring her to church. You talk to her.”

Ruth didn’t say anything about it to Bertha for a few weeks. How do you go about telling someone they smell bad? She didn’t want to do it.

Once again, the bouquet surrounded her after church.

“Ruth, Bertha smells even worse. Have you said anything to her yet?

Ruth sighed. “I know she doesn’t smell very nice. I’ll talk to her. I just haven’t thought of what to say.”

On the way home from church that Sunday Ruth said, “Bertha, some people like baths, and some like showers. I prefer showers myself. Which do you like?”

“Oh, I don’t take either. I use my bathtub to store my canned goods. I just sponge off now and then when I feel like I need to.”

“Oh,” Ruth said.

The next Sunday Ruth approached her flowery smelling friends. “Listen. Bertha keeps cans of food in her bathtub. I’m not talking to her about how she smells. If one of you wants to talk to her, go ahead. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“She keeps food in her bathtub?” a pastel suit asked.

Ruth nodded.

“Oh, my.”

Ruth nodded again. She didn’t mention the note she’d gotten printed in a childish scrawl. No one joked that Bertha was a brick shy of a full load, or that her elevator didn’t go all the way to the top, or that not only was she out to lunch, but she was out to supper too.

The sweet-smelling ladies and Ruth exchanged glances of compassion.

“At least she comes to church,” one flower said.

The others nodded.

Old Bertha continued to attend church every Sunday, wearing her rubber boots without socks, and looking like the gardener amongst the bevy of fragrant flowers. Maybe that’s exactly what she was. She never knew she’d cultivated the fruits of kindness and compassion in their hearts.

The End

***

These blogs are now available in book form on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Three: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

All of my books are available at amazon.com/author/donnapoole

Follow me on Facebook at Donna Poole, author


Not This One

by Donna Poole

Ivy willed her muscles to relax. It didn’t work.

The padded seats in the church auditorium were comfortable, but Ivy always felt uncomfortable here. And this was her first time being here without Zoe.

She’d hardly recognized Zoe’s voice on the phone. “I’m sick, Ivy, but please go to church without me.”

“I’m not feeling the best myself. I might stay home too.”

Ivy knew it sounded lame, but it was true. The thought of going without Zoe made her stomach churn.

At the last minute she’d run her fingers through her hair, pulled on a pair of jeans, and gone to church.

The sermon had been good, but she’d been unable to relax. This was still so new to her. At this time a year ago, she’d stumbled into the city mission.

Zoe, a counselor, had greeted her. “Welcome! It’s a beautiful first day of spring, isn’t it?”

Ivy had responded with a four-letter word, puked, and passed out. Zoe had caught her on the way down.

How many times has Zoe caught me on the way down since that first time?

Ivy’s thoughts wandered as she sat in church. The sermon had ended, and they were having a praise and testimony time.

Zoe hadn’t flinched when she’d told her about her years of life on the streets. Zoe had stuck with her through the ups and downs of the drug and alcohol rehab programs. And Zoe had introduced her to Jesus.

You’ve come a long way, baby, Ivy thought.

But Ivy didn’t feel proud of herself. She’d made it through withdrawal and hadn’t touched a drink since. Some people had said she’d never be able to kick the Big C, but with counseling and God’s help, cocaine wasn’t her master anymore. But there was one addiction she hadn’t been able to overcome.

She’d complained often about it to Zoe. “Why can’t I quit smoking? I’m a Christian now. I have the power of the Holy Spirit in my life. I should be able to do this.”

“Be patient with yourself, Ivy. How many perfect Christians have you met so far?”

“You. You’re close.”

“You know better. You heard me yell at Doug when you were at our apartment the other day.”

They’d laughed and hugged.

No, Zoe isn’t quite perfect, but I sure wish she was sitting next to me now instead of this stranger. I know I reek of cigarettes. She’s probably judging me.

Ivy had picked an aisle seat, so she’d only have to sit next to one person, and she hadn’t even looked at the woman. But she supposed she looked like most of the other people in this church, a throwback to the 1950s. Her seatmate had arrived quite late.

Ivy tried to pay attention to the testimonies. An older man was talking.

“I wasn’t sure I’d live to see the new building project completed. I’ve been praying for years for this. God is such a good God; isn’t he?” He paused, pulled out a hankie, and wiped his eyes.

He sounds sweet. I wish I’d had someone like him in my life instead of all the foster parents. I might be a different person. I should chew gum. It might help my nicotine breath.

Ivy reached in her bag for her gum and jammed her fingernail into the edge of her wallet. Two things happened. Her nail bent back causing excruciating pain, and Ivy swore.

The expletive wasn’t a cowboy swear word; it was a nastier one that had been part of her street life. Ivy hadn’t used it in a year, but out it came now. And it was loud.

A woman two rows ahead of her stood up and gestured to her three daughters to follow her. The four of them looked like ads for Mary Kay makeup, but the mother’s face was disfigured with anger.

She stopped and glared at Ivy. “I try to protect my daughters from language like that, and I don’t appreciate them hearing it in church. I hope the leadership here does something about you, or we won’t be back. Come, girls.”

And the entourage swept out of the auditorium.

The frail old man giving his testimony began praying and raised his voice louder. “And in addition to your grace in supplying the money for the new building, Lord, I want to thank you for loving sinners, because no one in this building is a bigger sinner than I am.”

Despite his kind words Ivy felt she must have offended everyone in the place. She wanted to get up and leave, but her shaking legs refused to move.

I don’t want to cry. I won’t cry. I will not cry.

But her face was wet, and she could hear her own sobs. The pastor was closing in prayer. She felt a hand cover her own.

When the prayer finished Ivy still sat there with her head bowed, praying.

Lord God, I don’t belong here in your church. This place is for good people. I’m not good people. I promise you I won’t come into your holy place ever again.

She kept praying. Suddenly, she realized the auditorium was quiet and empty, but a hand was still holding hers.

“Hey!” a voice said. “I’m Daphne. Want to talk?”

She shook her head.

“You sure?”

She looked at Daphne’s face, expecting to see another perfect Mary Kay rendition. Instead she saw messy red curls that looked like they’d never been combed, a smudge of peanut butter on a cheek, and mascara smudged eyes.

It was too much. Ivy no longer had any control of her emotions. She laughed.

“What?” the puzzled woman asked.

“You…” Ivy gasped. “You have peanut butter on your face.”

“Oh,” the woman grinned. She was beautiful, despite a gap between her two front teeth. She wiped the peanut butter with a tissue.

“Well, if you don’t want to talk, I will. I had a wum dinger of a morning.”

Ivy was still giggling. “You mean a hum dinger?”

“Call it what you want, I had it! I bet my mascara’s a mess too, isn’t it?”

Ivy stopped laughing. “Maybe a little, but you still look nice.”

“In these clothes?”

Ivy’s eyes widened. The woman was wearing a denim skirt and what looked like a red flannel pajama top with snowmen on it, an unusual choice for the first day of spring.

“Yep. This is a pajama top. We have a new baby, and the laundry kind of gets away from me. I started a load of laundry this morning after I got dressed for church. The washer sprung a leak, and water ran all over the floor. I mopped that up; it took every towel we had. Then I decided to finish my coffee and somehow managed to spill it down the front of my shirt. The baby is teething; he was screaming, and I was crying. Mom stopped by and told me she’d stay with the baby, and I should go to church. I told her I couldn’t; I didn’t have anything clean but one pajama top.

“‘So?’ Mom says, ‘you think God cares what you wear? Go to church.’ So here I am. Why don’t you come home with me for dinner. I’m sure Mom’s fixed something good, and I think my husband’s getting hungry.”

She nodded toward the back.

Ivy looked. The only man standing there was the pastor, looking professional in a suit. She looked again at Daphne’s messy hair, smudged mascara, and pajama top.

The words came out before she could stop them. “You two don’t look like you go together.”

“Oh, we do, believe me. We make a great pair.”

“But aren’t pastor’s wives supposed to dress to impress?”

“Not this one.”

“And aren’t they supposed to sit in the front of the church?”

“Not this one.”

“And why would they invite such a terrible Christian as I am to dinner?”

Daphne smiled. “How would I know what kind of Christian you are?”

“Oh, come on. I know you can tell I smoke. And don’t pretend you didn’t hear the word I said.”

“Oh, I heard it. I think everyone did.”

Tears sprang to Ivy’s eyes again. “Then how can you say you don’t know I’m a terrible Christian?”

“Look, I don’t know your story. For all I know it might take more of God’s grace for you to keep from shouting a four-letter word every Sunday than it takes for my husband to get up there and preach his sermon. And if anyone in this church is a terrible Christian, I’d bet it’s a certain person who walked out, not you.” Daphne snapped her fingers and sighed. “Now I’m judging. Please forget I said that. I don’t know Mrs. Mary Kay’s background either. But I have a hard time with pharisee people. I’m more of a publican one myself.”

“What’s a pharisee? And if you’re a republican and all political, forget me. I haven’t voted in years.”

It was Daphne’s turn to laugh. “I said I was a publican, not a republican. I could explain over dinner. Are you coming or not?”

“You want your house to smell like cigarettes?”

 Daphne shrugged. “There are all kinds of addictions. I eat too much chocolate. Hey, did you know Charles Spurgeon smoked?”

“Who?”

“He was a famous Baptist preacher.”

“In this church?”

Daphne laughed again.

“We have lots of interesting things to talk about. You really should come home for dinner. You can tell me your story if you want. If not, I’ll tell you about pharisees, publicans, and why Spurgeon quit smoking. And be glad Mom fixed the food. I’m a terrible cook.”

“Aren’t pastor’s wives supposed to be good cooks?”

“Not this one.”

The man in the back hollered, “Daphne, bring your new friend and come already! I’m about to die of hunger.”

“We’re coming,” Daphne called back.

She looked at Ivy. “Aren’t we?”

Ivy hesitated only a moment longer. “We are.”

Daphne pulled her to her feet. Ivy noticed there was still a smudge of peanut butter on Daphne’s face.

I’ve regretted accepting some invitations, but I have a feeling I won’t today. Not this one.

Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer

Peeling Potatoes and Making Memories

by Donna Poole

I made scalloped potatoes yesterday.

 In my memories, Lonnie was here with me, peeling, slicing, and making me laugh. Lonnie is quiet and sweet, but she can also send a roomful of people into hysterical laughter with her unexpected comments and her puns.

Lonnie is sister to my husband John, his only sibling, and I’ve known her almost as long as I can remember. She’s part of many happy memories. Lonnie and I saw each other every Christmas season from the time we were young married couples until we were senior citizens. Until Mom Poole died at age ninety, our families celebrated every Christmas together. Sometimes we got together other times during the year too.

The last time Lonnie and I made scalloped potatoes we were in Georgia visiting Mom and Dad Poole. By then Alzheimer’s was beginning to steal many things from Mom, including her ability to cook. So, when the family gathered, Lonnie and I made scalloped potatoes. Mom and Dad loved them.

As we peeled and sliced potatoes and onions Lonnie and I bonded all over again, and the months we’d been apart evaporated. Tears from peeling onions rolled down our cheeks, but we laughed often too. You can’t be with Lonnie without laughing.

I remember once Dad Poole, who was almost always cheerful despite his frail health, was pulling his long oxygen hose behind him. It was getting tangled, and we heard from Dad something we seldom heard—a sigh.

Lonnie adored both her parents and spoke to them always with only the utmost respect. But when she sighed, she looked at him.

“Well, up your nose with a rubber hose!” Lonnie said.

And then Dad laughed. The living room full of relatives echoed with laugher so loud I don’t know how the walls didn’t bend outward.

It’s a gift, being able to make people laugh in hard times. Lonnie has it, and so does John. They come by it naturally; their dad was the king of laughter. At his dialysis unit the nurses nicknamed him “Mr. Sunshine.”

Lonnie lives now in a beautiful assisted living home. I don’t know if they call her Mrs. Sunshine there or not, but they should. The home puts funny videos online, and Lonnie is often the star. In that home Lonnie is doing what she’s done everywhere, living her best life, and helping others live theirs.

I missed Lonnie as I peeled potatoes yesterday. The recipe called for six potatoes, but I peeled thirteen, so we’d be sure to have enough. I almost forgot I was fixing scalloped potatoes for only four, not for the crowd who’d gathered in Georgia to visit with Mom and Dad.

There’s a comforting rhythm to peeling potatoes that makes it easy to remember happy times. One of the wonderful things about getting older is how full your memory book is by then. It’s even larger than my old favorite Betty Crocker Cookbook. Like my cookbook, my memory book has some favorite pages tattered from use.

I never remain with memories that hurt; why would I do that? That would be like staring at a picture of a recipe in my cookbook that makes me gag; no thank you! I rifle through the pages of my memory book and settle on one that makes me feel contented, or loved. I linger on ones that bring a smile or a laugh.

I love remembering when Mom and Dad Poole were still alive, Dad with his oxygen–the rubber hose up his nose, and we all gathered at their home: Lonnie and Truman, their children and grandchildren, John and I, our kids, and our granddaughter, the only one of our fourteen grandchildren who’d been born yet. We pulled the heavy roaster pan of scalloped potatoes out of the oven and the rich aroma filled the small house.

As we ate someone said, “Do you remember when…”, and then we were laughing our way down memory lane. It was a beautiful backroad to take.  

As yesterday’s scalloped potatoes browned in the oven, I thanked God for memories. What a precious gift they are; but we aren’t meant to live on them alone. As long as we’re alive we should keep making new memories.

I made a new memory yesterday. When Lonnie and I used to make scalloped potatoes, Kimmee often whispered to me, “Mom, don’t put in any onions, okay?”

I explained I had to put in the onions; that’s how we’d always done it, and that’s how people liked it.

“I don’t like the onions, and Danny doesn’t either,” she whispered. Danny is her brother, and no, he wasn’t crazy about the onions, and I have a hunch some other people weren’t either, me included, but tradition is tradition, right?

But yesterday I didn’t peel or chop a single onion. I used onion powder instead. Kimmee approved, and I think Danny would have too, if he’d been here to eat them. Come to think of it, I don’t suppose any of the family would have complained about the absence of onions if we could only gather one more time to eat, to talk, and to laugh.

And we will someday, in heaven.

But until then, we have old memories to enjoy and new ones to make. I want to be sure to do just that.

After my sister, Eve, left for heaven, my brother-in-law Bruce showed us pictures of good times they’d had together. He looked at us with tears in his eyes.

“Make memories,” he said, “because someday memories will be all you’ll have.”

I cherish my memories of yesterday. I loved thinking about happy family times while I peeled those potatoes, and you know what? I found out a tear or two can roll down your cheeks when you’re making scalloped potatoes even when you don’t peel a single onion.

The End

***

These blogs are now available in book form on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

All of my books are available at amazon.com/author/donnapoole

I’m on Assignment

by Donna Poole

Stan, the hostler, held out a carrot and rubbed my head.

“Sorry, Bella, but the vet says you’ll probably need to stay penned up a bit longer so your leg can keep healing. He’ll know more after he does X-rays tomorrow.

 X-ray time again. I’m nervous—hopeful but afraid to hope.

I tossed my chestnut-colored mane, whinnied, and nuzzled his shoulder.

Stan laughed. “I believe you understand every word I say to you, girl. I hope you get good news tomorrow.”

Stan left and padlocked the door to the small stable where they were keeping me isolated from the other horses so I could rest and heal. The cozy stable hadn’t been so bad during the winter, but spring was coming. I could smell it in the air when Stan opened the door, and today I’d heard the red wing blackbirds. I looked out the stable window and saw only a few piles of snow remained between the oozing patches of mud. Tiny snowdrop flowers were blooming, and in the field winter wheat was growing green.

Spring called to me. I wanted to go outside, kick up my heels, and feel the warm breeze blow through my chestnut mane. I wanted to challenge the wind to a race around the pasture.

I especially missed training and show time. I remembered the feel of my owner on my back when I’d trotted, head high around the ring, and the pride she and I’d both felt every time someone had pinned another ribbon to my halter. More than once my owner and I’d had our picture in “The Morgan Horse Magazine.”

But now I was stuck here, sidelined by my injury. The stable had been a comfortable place for healing, but I was starting to dislike the very word. Stable. Well, tomorrow’s X-ray might show a change. Either I’d be heading back to training and the show ring or off to the glue factory.

Some of the other Morgan horses scoffed, said the glue factory was just a ghost tale the elders told colts to scare them. But Wise One, the oldest of us all, said the glue factory had once been a cruel end for useless horses. He said now they dispose of our bodies by burying, cremation, or taking us to a landfill.

I told him I didn’t much like the idea of the landfill.

“It doesn’t matter what they do with your body, Bella,” Wise One said. “Your body is just the house you live in. It’s not you. The real you isn’t your beautiful mane; it’s the part that feels joy when you toss it back and run with the wind.”

“When I die, what happens to the part of me that feels joy, Wise One?”

He whinnied. “I don’t know, but don’t be afraid. I’m sure the One who made us will know what to do with us when the time comes.”

I didn’t need to ask about the One who made us. All horses instinctively know him. Though we can’t put our feelings into words, we bow our heads low and feel glad when we think of him.

 Tomorrow will come, and with it the X-ray and the vet’s verdict. I’ve been through this before.  Just as I once was on assignment to do my best in the show ring, I’m on an assignment now. It’s to wait. I lie on the straw and sleep.

***

Like Bella, I’ll be on assignment tomorrow, and I hope to hear a better word than “stable” when I finish it. This assignment isn’t one I particularly relish, even though they serve drinks at the location. I know this because I’ve been there many times.

I usually pick the berry flavor drink and manage to gag it down. We aren’t talking milkshakes here, people. The drink is barium, a contrast solution to help the radiologist visualize the PET and CT scans better.

My son-in-law Drew knows there are many assignments I’d rather be on than this one, so he offered an alternative, one involving a cat that belongs to him and Kimmee, our daughter.

“The nice thing about cats is you can use them for both a cat scan and a pet scan,” Drew said.

I laughed. I wish his idea would work.

The scans really aren’t that bad. I got my first cancer related CT and PET scans in June 2020. I continued to have one PET and two CTs every three months during chemotherapy and radiation until May 4, 2021, when I entered a clinical trial for Epcoritamab, a drug not yet on the market. Then the scan assignments came more often, every six weeks for the first four months of the drug trial, then every three months, and now every six months.

When I got my last dose of Epcoritamab a few days ago they told me I’d completed cycle twenty-four. So now it’s time for more scans.

The techs who do the scans are great. They smile when I ask them to try to find my long-lost friend, NED, though I’m sure they hear the joke more often than they wish. NED is an acronym for no evidence of disease. It means remission—glorious word. I love the way that word rolls around on my tongue. I think I’d like to hear someone with a Scottish brogue say it; come to think of it, I’d love to hear anyone say it to me!

The best word I’ve heard so far after my many scans is “stable.”

Just because I haven’t yet found NED hiding under the table in one of the scan rooms doesn’t mean I won’t find him tomorrow.

My assignment isn’t so bad; many assignments are tougher, like the one Shelly Hamilton has. Shelly was sitting beside the bed of her dying father. Her husband Ron, in the last stages of Alzheimer’s, lay in his bed in another room. Ron Hamilton is the well-known author of many beautiful hymns, and Shelly is his wife.

As Shelly waited for God to take her father to heaven, she wrote about her motto, the one she’d learned from her husband’s caregiver: “I’m on assignment.”

Shelly wrote, “I’ve come to understand that assignments never end. As soon as this one is done, another comes along. You’d better be content with being on one.”

I hope to be content with whatever the results are of tomorrow’s scans.

But, like Bella, my fictional horse, I hear spring calling. I’d love to get well enough to challenge the wind to a race.  

I’d like to hear a better word than “stable.”  But Bella and I will be content with stable if that’s our assignments. She’s heard glue factory before; I’ve heard “disease progression.”  I don’t expect to hear disease progression again tomorrow, but someday my life will end. It won’t matter then what happens to my body, though if people follow my instructions, it will go to the University of Michigan for medical research.

My body isn’t the real me; it’s just my house. The part of me that feels joy and wants to challenge the wind to a race around the pasture belongs to the Lord, and I know exactly what he’s going to do when the time comes. He’ll take me where joy never fades, and life never ends. I have his word on it.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” –John 3:16

Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer

I Blinked

by Donna Poole

Ten years ago, my family watched the doors leading to the neurosurgery operating room swing shut behind me. Their long prayerful vigil began.

The day before, our five-year-old grandson, Reece, had been so worried about me that he’d sobbed all day. He’d still been crying that evening when we met for food and fellowship in a friend’s home.

Reece curled up next to me in a chair, and we talked quietly. I couldn’t promise him I’d be alright; no one had assured me of that. Brain surgery is serious business. But I did try to calm his fears. He didn’t want me to be alone during surgery.

“I won’t be alone, Reece. Jesus will stay with me every minute. He’ll take care of me. And he’ll be with you too. I’ll try to come home soon, and then you can come see me, okay?”

He nodded, but he still cried.

When it came time to leave, he hugged me as tightly as little boy five-year-old arms can hug and walked me to the door.

“Come back inside, Grandma Donna,” he said, tugging my hand.

“We have to go home now, Reece,” my husband John said.

“I just need her for a minute.”

We couldn’t resist him; those blond curls, those beautiful brown eyes, that tear streaked face.

Reece pulled me back to the chair we’d just left and climbed into it with me.
“I’m going to pray for you,” he said.

He prayed. He asked God to take care of me. He told me he loved me. And then he stopped crying.

I went into surgery for a brain aneurysm surrounded by so many prayers of family and friends. One friend had played a beautiful hymn on her flute the day before at church, “His Eye is on the Sparrow.” Civilla D. Martin wrote the hymn lyrics in 1905:

Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me

I sing because I’m happy
I sing because I’m free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches
I know He watches
I know He watches me

When I had to let go of John’s hand, I didn’t go into surgery alone. That song, Reece’s pray, and the love and prayers of my family and friends went with me. And Jesus? He was already there.

I woke up from surgery minus one brain aneurysm and plus one piece of artificial dura and thirteen pieces of hardware: three clips, seven screws, and three burr hole covers. Recovery wasn’t easy and some things never returned to normal. I forgot how to jump and run and still can’t do those things, but many people lose the ability to walk during that surgery, so I’m not complaining. They sent me home with a souvenir—seizures. But the experience gave me too many gifts to list. I found a new joy in living, a new compassion for people who are suffering, and made many new brain aneurysm and brain AVM friends.

In some ways the surgery seems like yesterday; in other ways it seems a lifetime ago.

Saturday was a vivid reminder of how much has changed in the decade since surgery. That little grandson Reece, the one with the tear-streaked face, came Saturday with a chain saw to help his grandpa clean up from a devastating ice storm we’d had recently. He worked hard and smart, like the wonderful young man he is.

I watched him work, and I wondered, what had happened to the little boy I’d loved so much?

I blinked. That’s what happened. I blinked, and ten years flew by.

Some things haven’t changed a bit. Reece still has curls, though they are darker now. His compassion remains; if anything, it’s stronger. He still loves his grandma. When he came to help his grandpa, I didn’t remind him it was the ten-year anniversary of my brain surgery. I didn’t mention his tears on that long ago day. I just fed him spaghetti, listened to him talk, and kept my tears to myself.

Why my tears? I love the wonderful young man, but I miss the little boy.

But isn’t it true that inside every good man the best of the little boy he once was still lives? And if Reece is anything, he’s a good young man.

When it came time for Reece to leave. I thanked him and hugged him goodbye. I wasn’t just hugging the tall fifteen-year-old young man; I was also hugging the five-year-old boy who will forever live in his grandma’s heart.

I wish I’d pulled him back inside and prayed for him like he did for me ten years ago, but I didn’t. I’ll pray for him and all my grandchildren tonight before I sleep. It’s the best way I know to say how much I love them.

Photo Credit: Kimmee Kiefer

Fun Facts (and Fables) about Famous Folks

by Donna Poole

President’s Day is as good a time as any to take a test, so here’s one for kids and grandparents. Which president of the United States had only one tooth? Who was so chubby people nicknamed him, “His Roundness”? What one skinny-dipped in the Potomac River every morning?

Here’s your test, written in first person by each president. A perfect grade wins you a trip to the White House. No, not that White House, just to the home of any friend or neighbor who lives in a white house. Tell them I sent you.

Do you have your number two pencil ready? Go!

One: I wore my bright red hair in a ponytail, and some people called me, “Red Fox.” I was 6’ 2” tall and had huge hands and feet. I loved food and wrote a cookbook. I refused to gamble, drink, use tobacco, or swear, and I washed my feet in cold water every morning to prevent colds. I played the violin, knew many languages, and enjoyed science. Many people of my day thought tomatoes were poisonous; to prove them wrong I grew the first tomatoes in the United States. I kept my pet Mockingbird, Bill, in my White House study. Before becoming president, I worked for three years to bring religious freedom to Virginia. When I was thirty-three, I drafted the Declaration of Independence. I died on July 4, the same day John Adams did. Who am I?

Two: When I was a boy I fell out of a boat and almost drowned. I had another close call when a Native American shot at me from close range but missed. I loved running, jumping, climbing, and riding horses. I did most of my schooling at home. I tried to run away to sea when I was fourteen, and when I was fifteen, I began work as an assistant surveyor. The first girl I proposed to rejected me. I bet she regretted that when I became president! I was tall, 6’ 3”, and wore a size thirteen shoe. By the time I became president I had only one tooth left. I wore teeth from cows, hippos, and other people. You may not have any trouble guessing my identity: I’m called the father of our country. 

Three: I didn’t have even one tooth; I lost them all but refused to wear false ones. I was only 5’7” tall and weighed 250 pounds. People called me, “His Roundness.” As a boy, I milked cows, fed horses, and helped in the kitchen. I enjoyed marbles, boating, swimming, and wrestling. The Native Americans taught me how to hunt. I liked hunting better than school, but still became state spelling champion when I was ten. When I grew up, I married Abagail, a preacher’s daughter. We had five children, and our oldest son also became a president. We were the first family to live in the White House and my wife hung laundry in the unfinished East Room. I was blunt; I said what I meant, so some people called me rude. I died on July 4, the same day as Thomas Jefferson. Who am I?

Four: Unlike some of the other presidents, I didn’t play outside much as a child. I was too sick. My hobbies were reading and bird watching. I was the first president to wear long pants; the others all wore knee breeches. Come to think of it, I was so short, perhaps I only thought they were long pants. I was the smallest of the first eleven presidents, under 5’6” and about one-hundred pounds. Some people called me, “Frail Jimmy.” I helped fight for religious freedom. My wife was the first to serve ice cream in the White House. When the British invaded Washington in August 1814, my wife refused to leave without saving a portrait of George Washington that still hangs in the White House today. The British ate our warm meal they’d forced us to leave, then stacked the White House furniture, and set it on fire. I’m known as the father of the Constitution. Who am I?

Five: Unlike a certain other president, I never won a spelling contest. I didn’t like school and never learned to spell well. I did learn to read before I was five years old and loved books. They say I was a wild, barefoot boy with a bad temper and always ready to fight. I often played tricks, like turning over out-houses. I joined the army when I was fourteen. When I was sixteen, Grandfather died and left me some money, but I wasted it all. I grew tall, six feet, but weighed only 140 pounds. I was the first president who didn’t come from a rich family. My wife and I didn’t have any children, but we raised her brother’s six children. At the children’s Christmas party one year, my vice-president lost a game and had to run around the room gobbling like a turkey. My nickname was “Old Hickory,” but my political enemies liked to call me “King Andrew.” My last words were, “I hope to meet each of you in heaven.” Have you guessed my name yet?

Six: My father was a Virginia planter, and I was the oldest of five children. I liked to hunt and ride horses. I grew to be over six feet tall, and people said I looked like George Washington. I had a secret compartment in my desk no one discovered until 1906. They found in it letters from Jefferson, Madison, John Marshall, and Lafayette. My wife liked to be called, “Her Majesty,” and my two daughters, considered snobs by many, spent all my money. I died a poor man. Who am I?

Seven: You may think you have a large family, but beat this! I had two brothers, fives sisters, and twenty-one foster siblings. They expelled me from school when I tackled the teacher and tied him up on the floor. I loved playing the violin, target shooting, and fox hunting. I was a vice-president but became president when the president died after only a month in office. My last child was born when I was seventy years old. I wasn’t a popular president, and after I left office, the North called me a traitor because I became a member of the Confederate Congress. Who am I?

Eight: When I was a boy I enjoyed trapping, gardening, swimming, and horseback riding. As a man I liked to play billiards, walk, read, raise plants, ride horses, swim, and read my Bible. I read the Bible through at least once a year. Every morning before breakfast I read chapters of it first in English, then in French, and then in German. I published a book of poetry. Around five every morning I skinny-dipped in the Potomac River. I wasn’t a favorite with reporters; I refused to give any interviews; perhaps I feared the reporters would follow me to the river. I was 5’7” and quite heavy. I wore the same hat for ten years. My father was a president too. Have you guessed my identity?

Nine: When I was a boy I hid in the barn and read when it was time to do chores. I was the oldest of ten children and was born on a farm in the North Carolina frontier. I was a thin 5’8” tall. I became president when I was forty-nine. My wife and I disapproved of drinking, card playing, and dancing, and we banned them from the White House. At my inauguration party, they stopped the music and hid the liquor for the two hours my wife and I were there. I wonder what they did after we left? We had no children. My wife was my secretary and worked with me twelve to fourteen hours a day. Who am I?

Ten: My father signed the Declaration of Independence, and I was the youngest of his seven children. I eloped with my bride; we eventually had ten children. One of my grandsons later became president. I liked to study the Bible and ride horses. I was a famous fighter and a major general in the War of 1812, my nickname was “Old Tippecanoe.” Some people thought I was too old, at sixty-seven, to become president, and they called me “Granny.” I stood on the east steps of the Capitol to give my inaugural address. It was a cold, rainy, windy day, but I didn’t wear a coat or hat. My speech lasted one hour and forty minutes; some say it was two hours. I got sick and died of pneumonia one month after my swearing in as president. Who am I?

Eleven: I was the first president who was born an American citizen. I grew up speaking Dutch better than English because my ancestors emigrated from the Netherlands. I became an assistant lawyer when I was sixteen. I was about 5’6” tall and had blue eyes and curly red sideburns. My nicknames were “Little Magician” and “Little Van.” Most people thought I had a happy disposition; people said I was gentle and soft-spoken. I loved giving speeches and was pretty good at it, even as a boy. I also like opera and fishing. I really enjoyed telling jokes and even told them to my fiercest political enemies. Who am I?

Answers:

  1. Thomas Jefferson
  2. George Washington
  3. John Adams
  4. James Madison
  5. Andrew Jackson
  6. James Monroe
  7. John Tyler
  8. John Quincy Adams
  9. James K Polk
  10. William Henry Harrison
  11. Martin Van Buren

Did anyone get all the answers correct?

The End

***

These blogs are now available in book form on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

All my books are available at amazon.com/author/donnapoole

My Poor Valentine

by Donna Poole

I’m not making this up.

You may think it’s fiction, but it’s fact.

John and I were visiting a church. To protect the guilty, I won’t tell you the denomination or the location, but I’ll say this; it was a very large church. The message was good, a bit lengthy, but good. Then came the invitation sometimes known as the altar call.

For the uninitiated, let me explain. An altar call isn’t a bad thing; it’s often sweet and holy. During the final hymn the pastor invites people to come to the front. Some may come to indicate their desire to trust Christ as Savior, to be baptized, or just to kneel at the altar and pray.

The pastor in the church we visited began the altar call. We sang a favorite hymn, one I’ve loved since childhood, “Just as I Am” by Charlotte Elliott (1789-1871).

I wasn’t surprised when we sang all the verses because that’s what we’d done with all the previous hymns we’d sung in that church.

The words are beautiful and true:

1 Just as I am, without one plea,
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bidst me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come.

Refrain:
Just as I am, Just as I am,
Just as I am, I come.

2 Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot;
To Thee, whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come. [Refrain]

3 Just as I am, though tossed about,
With many a conflict, many a doubt;
Fightings within and fears without,
O Lamb of God, I come. [Refrain]

4 Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come. [Refrain]

After each verse, and sometimes during each one, the pastor pleaded with people to come to the altar, but no one responded. So, he began singing the hymn again. I looked around; no one seemed surprised by the repetition, not even when it continued to happen. For. Fifteen. Minutes.

I started feeling sorry for the pastor. His pleading began to sound desperate. I felt sorry for the congregation having to stand that long, but they seemed immune. I felt especially sorry for myself. I was tired. I was hungry. We were on vacation.

Like John Wayne said, “Slap some bacon on a biscuit and let’s go! We’re burnin’ daylight!”

I had a sudden epiphany.

“Scuse me,” I whispered to John, also known as Pastor John Poole, when we’re home, not on vacation, and he’s behind the pulpit in our church.

He thought I needed to use the lady’s room. He inched back to give me room to slip out but looked uneasily at the line of relatives still between him and the center aisle. I could see it on his face. It was going to be a tight squeeze for me to exit; John was going to ask me if I could wait.

That’s not what he asked. He studied my face and looked suspicious.

“Wait. Why do you want to get out?” he whispered as the congregation sang verse three for the thirtieth or fortieth time.

“I’m going to the altar.”

“You’re going to do what? Why?”

Our whispering should have been distracting, but everyone had their faces buried in their hymnals. They were probably trying to avoid eye contact with the now tearful face of their pastor.

“Because! That man isn’t going to let us leave until someone repents. I’m sure I can think of something to repent of on my way up there.”

A storm was brewing on my sweet John’s face. He’s a funny guy, full of jokes, fun, and laughter, but there are certain things that are sacred cows, and you do not joke about them. Apparently, the altar call was one of them.

But I wasn’t joking. I had every intention of walking down, down that long aisle in that big church and thinking of something to say to the pastor when I got to the front.

Perhaps I could just say, “I need to talk to the Lord about the sin in my life.”

I mean, everyone has sin in their life, right? By the time I got to the front of the church I’d be guilty of the sin of deception of just going to the altar so I could slap some bacon on my biscuit, get going, and not spend anymore vacation time singing fifty more verses.

“I’m serious, John. Let me out.”

Poor guy. He loves me enough to die for me, I think, but sometimes he just doesn’t know what to do with me.

It was a stare down between the two of us, but we never found out who would win, because someone else went to the altar. The organist hurried off to bandage her blistered fingers, and the pastor closed in prayer. Amazingly, he showed no sign of laryngitis.

As for the repentant sinner who walked down the long, long aisle? I hate it when people judge others’ motives, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he was truly sorry or if he just wanted to go eat fried chicken.

 Well, today is Valentine’s Day, and I write this in honor of my wonderful John who has been my Valentine for a long, long time. He’s loved me for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. He’s even loved me when I wanted to answer an altar call just so I could get out of church.

Where was the church? I won’t tell you the denomination or the location, but I’ll say this; it was a very large church. And as we left they said, “Ya’ll come back now, ya hear?”

John and me when we were young.