New Year’s Substitutions

by Donna Poole

“Addie, it’s almost midnight,” Paul said. “You should be sleeping.”

She was sitting up in bed, notebook propped on her knees, pencil in hand. “I know, Daddy, but I’m working on my New Year’s substitutions.”

“Your what?”

“You know. Like you and Mommy made. I heard you say you want to lose a few pounds, and Mommy said she wants to read more, especially her Bible.”

Paul chuckled and adjusted the beanie that had slid too far forward on Addie’s bald head. “Oh, I see, your resolutions.”

“Uh huh. That’s what I said.”

“Well, how about if I unplug your Christmas tree lights now so it’s darker in here so you can sleep. You can work on your resolutions tomorrow.”

“Do you want to see what I wrote?”

“Maybe tomorrow, honey. You need to sleep.”

He put her notebook and pencil on the bedside table, and she snuggled down under her covers.

“I’ll go to sleep, Daddy, but please leave the tree lights on. I wish we could leave the decorations up until Valentine’s Day!”

He kissed her forehead. She felt warm.

Please, Lord, not neutropenia again and another trip to the ER.

He took her temperature. It wasn’t yet to the point the oncologist ordered ER visits.

“You come get Mommy and me if you start feeling sick.”

“I will, but I feel fine! Daddy, does your angel whisper to you before you fall asleep?”

He shook his head.

“You do believe in angels, don’t you Daddy? Because my angel whispers to me.”

If she wants to believe an angel whispers to her, and that gives her comfort, let her believe it.

He kept back sobs until he got to the living room where Jenna folded him in her arms.

“Let it out, honey. I’ve been crying most of the day. I’m not sure the treatments are working, and the oncologist gives such vague answers. And he’s always in a hurry and never smiles. It’s hard talking to him.”

Paul wiped his eyes. “He doesn’t have an easy job, honey. He isn’t God; he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t want us to lose hope.”

He felt her tremble. “I’m not losing hope, Paul, but I’m scared. It’s so hard having to take a seven-year-old for chemotherapy. Last week a little three-year-old was next to us. She sobbed the whole time, until Addie asked if she wanted her to tell her a story. Addie told her a beautiful story about how her guardian angel whispers to her a bedtime. She told the little girl she had an angel too, and she should listen right before she falls asleep, and maybe the angel will talk to her about heaven or even sing to her. That little girl of ours has quite an imagination.”

Paul turned on the gas fireplace and they sat on the couch in front of it. “I’m not so sure it’s her imagination. I think she really believes it. She told me tonight her angel whispers to her.”

Jenna looked at him. “Do you think it’s possible?”

He shrugged. “Who knows? The Bible says children have angels.”

Jenna put her head on his shoulder. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this tired, body, soul, and spirit. She usually took down Christmas decorations on New Year’s Day, and here it was the third, and she couldn’t even think about beginning the chore. She told Paul how she felt.

Paul said, “Addie said she wished we could leave decorations up until Valentine’s Day. Why don’t we do that for her. Just in case…” He cleared his throat. “You know what she was doing tonight? She was working on what she called her New Year’s Substitutions.”

Jenna sat up. “Her what?”

“You know, substitutions. Resolutions?”

“Oh!” Jenna laughed.

“What were they?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t look.”

“Do you think she’d mind if we sneak in there and take a peek?”

Paul shook his head. “She wouldn’t mind. She tried to show them to me earlier. I want to check on her anyway. Her temperature was up a little.”

Jenna groaned. “Not again!”

Addie’s room glowed with the soft lights from her tree. Jenna went to her bed and softly kissed her forehead. Her temperature felt normal.

Thank you, Lord.

Addie smiled in her sleep. Jenna checked to be sure her bucket was next to her bed, just in case she got sick during the night, a frequent occurrence.

Paul was reading the notebook and tears were running down his face.

He took Jenna’s hand and led her back to the living room couch. He handed her the notebook.

Jenna read what Addie had printed:

My New Year Subtatoshuns

Help kids not to cry

Help nurses not to be sad

Help doctur to smile

Help mommy and daddy not to be afrade about if I dye becuse Jesus will take care of me

It took quite awhile before Jenna could speak. “She knows we’re afraid.”

Paul nodded. “She’s a smart kid.”

“We can do better that this,” Jenna said. “I have a New Year’s substitution of my own. How about if we try to practice what we believe? Why don’t we face the future with faith instead of fear? Yes, we may lose Addie this year, but let’s not let fear spoil the time we have left with her!”

Paul smiled. “Well look at me. I have a smart daughter, and a smart wife.”

He hugged Jenna tightly. When she came up for air she asked, “What do you think that angel whispers in her ear every night?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he tells her that whatever happens, it’s going to be okay.”

The End

***

These blogs are now available in book form on Amazon:

Backroad Ramblings Volume One: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

Backroad Ramblings Volume Two: Stories of Faith, Love, and Laughter

All my books are available at amazon.com/author/donnapoole